March 19, 2025

Dating Disasters And Therapy Talks: Where’s The Exit?

Dating in Arizona is basically survival of the fittest.

I
t’s ranked the worst state for dating, and honestly… it shows. Between ghosting, catfishing, and not enough therapists to clean up the mess, it’s a total dumpster fire.

Varesh, our globe-trotting guest who’s lived in eight countries, spills the tea on American dating. His take on compatibility? "Two and a half out of four—good enough!" (Honestly, relatable.)

We’re also decoding modern dating lingo: breadcrumbing, love bombing, and gaslighting because, apparently, emotional trauma comes with a glossary now. And Varesh’s dating disaster? His date straight-up vanished mid-date… but karma hit back when he ghosted a girl who wouldn’t stop talking about astrology and offered him drugs in the bathroom. Classic.

From polyamory to therapy flexing, this episode is a chaotic ride you don’t want to miss. Hit play and join the madness! 😎🔥

A big shoutout to our amazing sponsor, Tactical Tax Strategies! You can check them out at steptax.com. Remember, we drop your drawers, and they drop the tax—making life a little smoother for everyone. Thanks for keeping us covered!

Chapters

00:00 - Dating Disaster Stories

15:29 - Cultural Differences in Dating

28:05 - Balancing Career and Relationships

39:32 - Sports, Hobbies and Meeting People

54:02 - Therapy Culture in Modern Dating

01:13:24 - Religion, Relationships and Compatibility

01:26:31 - Polyamory and Non-Traditional Relationships

Transcript

WEBVTT

00:00:01.241 --> 00:00:03.867
Oh my god, I just totally got catfished.

00:00:03.867 --> 00:00:05.913
He looks absolutely nothing like his picture.

00:00:06.379 --> 00:00:11.029
So I found out, the guy that I've been dating is married with kids.

00:00:11.029 --> 00:00:13.173
His wife just reached out to me.

00:00:15.500 --> 00:00:16.783
Welcome to the Meat Market.

00:00:16.783 --> 00:00:20.693
The single scene is a slaughterhouse and we are here to devour it.

00:00:20.693 --> 00:00:21.702
We are your hosts.

00:00:21.702 --> 00:00:27.385
I'm Lindsay, I'm Jess and today's sizzling single is Varese Welcome.

00:00:27.644 --> 00:00:28.207
Thank you for having me.

00:00:28.227 --> 00:00:32.850
We have an international man in the house Fitting, because today's International Women's Day right.

00:00:33.473 --> 00:00:34.097
Wait, is it today?

00:00:34.137 --> 00:00:35.301
or was it yesterday it was yesterday.

00:00:35.322 --> 00:00:39.320
Yeah you're right, yeah, except we've got an international man, not an international.

00:00:39.320 --> 00:00:40.664
Well, we have an international woman.

00:00:40.863 --> 00:00:47.463
Oh yeah, we've been in over eight countries yeah eight countries wow, my father was a diplomat so I've been around.

00:00:47.463 --> 00:00:48.686
So back to you.

00:00:48.686 --> 00:00:52.054
So I'm curious you've been in the states about 20 years.

00:00:52.054 --> 00:00:56.466
Do you notice a difference in international women versus american women?

00:00:57.950 --> 00:01:05.829
um, yes, um well, I mean, I've dated people from different parts of the country, of the world too, and there is.

00:01:05.829 --> 00:01:10.769
But fundamentally, you know, we're human beings, we just grow up and we're a product of our circumstance and what we do.

00:01:10.769 --> 00:01:12.787
But there are certain differences.

00:01:12.787 --> 00:01:19.647
I think Indian men, indian women, tend to be a little bit more conservative, but once they're out of their shell they're not.

00:01:19.647 --> 00:01:26.192
I think American women sometimes can be a little standoffish, but maybe that's just Scottsdale, you know so, Scottsdale.

00:01:26.192 --> 00:01:30.707
But I've met all types so I can't really say there's like a material difference.

00:01:30.707 --> 00:01:32.186
People are people, no matter where they're from.

00:01:32.921 --> 00:01:39.927
Well, we had heard that women now are starting to expect the man on a first date to pay for their hair and makeup.

00:01:39.927 --> 00:01:47.152
Our producer was telling us he was going to go on a first date and he got a text that said hey, it's going to cost me $200 to get my hair and makeup done to look good for you.

00:01:47.152 --> 00:01:49.519
Here's my Venmo handle Like.

00:01:49.519 --> 00:01:52.290
I feel like that's an American thing, right, totally Right.

00:01:52.760 --> 00:01:55.266
Oh, that is maybe more than an American thing.

00:01:55.287 --> 00:01:56.108
Has that ever happened to you?

00:01:56.510 --> 00:01:59.884
Oh hell, no, that would be a like.

00:01:59.884 --> 00:02:03.349
No, thank you, enjoy your night at home.

00:02:03.590 --> 00:02:08.265
Enjoy your hair and makeup With another man At another man's expense.

00:02:09.443 --> 00:02:15.686
When you guys had sent me that sample of one of the interviews you did and there was this story about this.

00:02:15.686 --> 00:02:21.205
There was this discussion you guys were having about the woman expecting the man to pay for the babysitter.

00:02:21.205 --> 00:02:24.127
I'm like, wow, that is unique.

00:02:28.819 --> 00:02:29.001
And no.

00:02:29.001 --> 00:02:30.004
So you wouldn't't if a woman asked you to.

00:02:30.004 --> 00:02:30.889
Would that be a hard no, would you hard no?

00:02:30.989 --> 00:02:31.189
hard.

00:02:31.189 --> 00:02:32.817
No, I'm taking out time too.

00:02:32.817 --> 00:02:33.620
My time's valuable.

00:02:33.620 --> 00:02:38.010
Uh, why don't you pay for my massage and my haircut and beard trim?

00:02:38.010 --> 00:02:40.765
Those things are not cheap these days that is true men's haircuts.

00:02:40.866 --> 00:02:52.793
Men's haircuts are getting expensive I have a friend who has an 18 year old son and and he's very particular about his barber and his mom is just like since when did men's haircuts become so expensive?

00:02:52.919 --> 00:03:00.086
I was having this conversation two days ago and I think I was at dinner with a couple of female friends of mine and I was like, yeah, I'm going for a haircut.

00:03:00.086 --> 00:03:01.175
They're like how much does that cost?

00:03:01.175 --> 00:03:01.500
$15?

00:03:01.500 --> 00:03:01.500
.

00:03:01.500 --> 00:03:03.262
I'm like where do you live it?

00:03:03.262 --> 00:03:04.443
I was like how much does that cost?

00:03:04.443 --> 00:03:04.843
15 bucks?

00:03:04.843 --> 00:03:05.405
I'm like where do you live?

00:03:05.405 --> 00:03:06.165
It was like $80 plus tips.

00:03:06.165 --> 00:03:06.566
So it ain't cheap.

00:03:06.566 --> 00:03:08.788
So yeah, if they want to pay for my stuff, then sure I'll pay for this.

00:03:09.590 --> 00:03:11.572
So you have female friends that you're.

00:03:11.572 --> 00:03:14.276
So this has been a discussion too on a couple of episodes.

00:03:14.276 --> 00:03:19.181
Do you feel that adult men and women can be friends with each other platonically if they?

00:03:19.181 --> 00:03:28.780
Are mature and healthy and healthy?

00:03:28.800 --> 00:03:29.001
Absolutely.

00:03:29.001 --> 00:03:29.842
But I will say you know, men are men.

00:03:29.842 --> 00:03:31.405
That dynamic is more pushed by women than men.

00:03:31.405 --> 00:03:39.350
It is easier for women to be friends platonically with men than it is for men with women, but men will mirror whatever the vibe is in general.

00:03:39.350 --> 00:03:43.865
But yes, I have a lot of interesting and fun single female friends.

00:03:44.426 --> 00:03:52.927
That if they called you tomorrow and said hey, vresh, let's put our friendship aside, let's do this thing, you'd still say no.

00:03:53.008 --> 00:03:54.431
I mean no, why would I do that?

00:03:55.099 --> 00:04:01.306
Like I said, I am a man, so I have a question Do you get people asking you stupid questions?

00:04:01.306 --> 00:04:08.783
Like when I was single, I would get so many men saying, oh so you're from england.

00:04:08.783 --> 00:04:09.627
What language do you speak over there?

00:04:09.627 --> 00:04:10.471
Or how do you say hello in your language?

00:04:10.491 --> 00:04:11.215
or is england the capital of france?

00:04:11.215 --> 00:04:11.475
Like do you?

00:04:11.496 --> 00:04:17.310
ever get people that are just don't know much about india, where it is, or um, yes and no, it's kind of all over the place.

00:04:17.331 --> 00:04:22.687
But one thing I do get pretty consistently is oh my god, your accent is like not even there.

00:04:22.687 --> 00:04:26.074
You speak english really good and get that.

00:04:26.074 --> 00:04:30.452
It's not well, but it's good, but yeah, I think that's.

00:04:30.452 --> 00:04:34.305
That's one of the standard ones I get is look, oh my god, your english is so good I get that.

00:04:34.365 --> 00:04:37.742
I used to get that a lot when I was dating, like, oh, you're from england, what language do you speak over there?

00:04:37.764 --> 00:04:46.954
your english is so good, like in england we speak english the queen's english does your family want you to date an Indian woman or marry an Indian woman?

00:04:46.954 --> 00:04:48.810
Has that ever been a thing for you Been there?

00:04:48.831 --> 00:04:52.529
done that, so now they don't really care that much.

00:04:52.529 --> 00:04:54.286
They just want me to be happy, you know.

00:04:55.021 --> 00:04:56.968
So they're not trying to arrange a marriage for you.

00:04:56.968 --> 00:04:58.204
They're not that old school.

00:04:59.699 --> 00:05:01.480
That did happen for a while.

00:05:01.480 --> 00:05:07.043
But, like I said, you know, we get older and they just want me to be happy and find someone.

00:05:07.043 --> 00:05:10.266
At least they just don't want me to be alone, which I don't want either.

00:05:10.326 --> 00:05:13.687
Yeah, are your family here or are they back in India?

00:05:13.848 --> 00:05:14.728
Yeah, so what's left?

00:05:14.728 --> 00:05:16.129
Just my dad and I.

00:05:16.129 --> 00:05:16.548
He's here.

00:05:16.548 --> 00:05:19.911
He actually lives about a mile away from me, oh nice, so it's nice.

00:05:19.911 --> 00:05:22.851
I go see him every now and then and check up on him.

00:05:22.851 --> 00:05:23.552
He's getting older.

00:05:23.552 --> 00:05:31.036
He's 83 now, so you know, it's that time of life where the people that you care about are getting older and becoming more dependent.

00:05:31.036 --> 00:05:32.057
So it's kind of interesting.

00:05:32.057 --> 00:05:32.958
But yeah, that's him and I.

00:05:35.319 --> 00:05:41.365
You know what I love about the Indian culture, so I lived in England and I had a lot of Indian neighbors and Indian friends and I love how like a lot of the parents live with their children.

00:05:41.384 --> 00:05:43.346
Yeah, it's not going to work for me.

00:05:43.346 --> 00:05:45.827
Yeah, no, I love you Dad, but no.

00:05:46.689 --> 00:05:47.468
I have a patient.

00:05:47.468 --> 00:06:08.290
They're an Indian family and the mother's parents live with them and the father's parents come and visit a few times a year, and they always stay in the house, and so it's like every time I go there for therapy I never know who I'm going to get, because so many of the family members live and luckily they're very well off and they have a very large house.

00:06:08.329 --> 00:06:16.083
That makes it easier, and so they can live sort of in separate sides of the house, but that's yeah super, I feel like super common in the Indian culture.

00:06:16.142 --> 00:06:18.709
It is very common, and I mean I have cousins and friends.

00:06:18.709 --> 00:06:21.004
It's like joint family system which you know.

00:06:21.004 --> 00:06:25.994
In many ways it's really good because it allows everybody to rely on each other.

00:06:25.994 --> 00:06:29.129
I mean there's a reason they say it takes a village, you know.

00:06:29.129 --> 00:06:32.629
So childcare or just doing stuff, managing things.

00:06:33.404 --> 00:06:37.949
Then they don't have to ask the man they're dating to pay for their childcare because it's built in.

00:06:40.600 --> 00:06:43.108
Yeah, but I think I'm a little bit nonconformist.

00:06:43.108 --> 00:06:49.588
I'm not your typical Indian person in general and I think I value my independence.

00:06:49.588 --> 00:06:54.471
I want to be close to people I care about, but also have space to do my own thing.

00:06:55.201 --> 00:06:56.427
So you're very successful.

00:06:56.427 --> 00:06:57.745
Tell us what you do.

00:06:58.439 --> 00:07:04.550
Oh, I wouldn't say it's super successful, but okay, yeah, so I'm a CEO of a healthcare year four startup.

00:07:04.550 --> 00:07:06.185
It's my second time around.

00:07:06.185 --> 00:07:18.016
I was co-founder CEO of a medical group that I started with my late brother and we grew it and exited and decided I wanted to jump back because I'm a glutton for punishment.

00:07:18.016 --> 00:07:21.985
So this is my second time trying to build a company and do something with it.

00:07:22.586 --> 00:07:25.713
So how do you juggle your career and dating?

00:07:25.713 --> 00:07:26.701
Do you find that difficult?

00:07:27.644 --> 00:07:34.021
It is, but I think I'm a little fortunate because you know I'm older and wiser and this is my second go around.

00:07:34.021 --> 00:07:38.629
So I try and not live to work.

00:07:38.629 --> 00:07:51.576
I try and work to live, and I have a lot of different interests and things that I like to do, so I try and take out time for what is important, and relationships are one of them smart.

00:07:51.838 --> 00:07:54.305
I think that's another difference between Americans and other countries.

00:07:54.305 --> 00:07:57.091
Here people are so consumed with work yes, yes, yes.

00:07:57.091 --> 00:08:03.363
That's what defines us, yes whereas other countries, like Europe, they close in the middle of the day for three hours for their siesta.

00:08:03.363 --> 00:08:04.747
Like they, they definitely.

00:08:04.747 --> 00:08:05.428
What is it?

00:08:05.428 --> 00:08:07.233
They work to live, yeah.

00:08:07.533 --> 00:08:44.232
Well, and I had made a comment in one of our previous episodes about like being productive Right, and all of the comments on social media were about work, work and finances, and I'm like there are so many other ways to be productive being physically productive, being mentally, you know, spiritually, emotionally, philanthropically productive, like there are so many ways to be productive in your life, but, as I think it is, as Americans, when we hear productivity, all we think about is work and finances, and it's there's like we as humans are so should be so much more well-rounded than that.

00:08:44.381 --> 00:08:45.399
We should, we should, we should.

00:08:45.399 --> 00:08:57.485
I mean it's not just an american thing like I grew up in india and there's a lot of pressure to succeed professionally and your identity is a lot of times tied to that and that puts a lot of pressure on families and kids.

00:08:57.485 --> 00:09:02.962
Like I didn't grow up particularly you know bright and getting the eight grades.

00:09:02.962 --> 00:09:11.621
I was off playing tennis and doing things, but the pathways were limited and it was always like, okay, if you don't do this one thing, then you are not successful.

00:09:11.621 --> 00:09:17.201
Which is kind of ironic because now you said I was successful and I've never really seen myself that way.

00:09:17.201 --> 00:09:24.270
I just kind of made my way through and got lucky he's humble ladies I think that is an important thing to be.

00:09:24.855 --> 00:09:27.565
You don't see too much of that these days so tell us about you.

00:09:27.585 --> 00:09:28.506
Let's get to know voresh.

00:09:28.506 --> 00:09:29.509
What are your hobbies?

00:09:30.270 --> 00:09:35.654
uh, okay, so I am an athlete I've always been, so tennis has been my first sporting love.

00:09:35.936 --> 00:09:38.182
Um how do you feel about pickleball, the new trend?

00:09:38.481 --> 00:09:40.245
oh, how much time do we have?

00:09:40.245 --> 00:09:45.434
Um, no, look, mean pickleball is is here to stay.

00:09:45.434 --> 00:09:47.702
I'm one of those tennis players.

00:09:47.702 --> 00:09:51.852
Typically, tennis players have like a love hate relationship with pickleball.

00:09:51.852 --> 00:09:56.240
They hate pickleball because it's you know, it's not really tennis, it's not a real sport kind of thing.

00:09:57.081 --> 00:09:58.403
It's taking over the court.

00:09:58.424 --> 00:09:58.825
Yes, that is.

00:09:58.825 --> 00:10:14.846
That is a legitimate concern because, you know, as it is, we don't have enough tennis courts and for for the people that love the game and I say that because I was part of the board of directors of USTA Southwest so we used to look at metrics like how many people are playing and how many courts do we have available.

00:10:14.846 --> 00:10:16.285
So that is a real thing.

00:10:16.285 --> 00:10:19.028
But, that said, I do think pickleball is fun.

00:10:19.028 --> 00:10:20.385
I do play it socially.

00:10:20.385 --> 00:10:26.984
I get the luxury that I'm a decent tennis player, so I automatically become a really good pickleball player.

00:10:26.984 --> 00:10:29.090
And people like, oh my god, how long have you been been playing?

00:10:29.129 --> 00:10:37.543
and I'm like this is my second time wow and then I'm like, wow, I'm like, yeah, I'm a tennis player, yeah, so, yeah, no, I, I really do enjoy it.

00:10:37.543 --> 00:10:40.494
I have friends that play and I'm actually interesting.

00:10:40.494 --> 00:10:45.450
Um, I just got something called an invitation to something called Founders League.

00:10:45.450 --> 00:10:58.591
It's a pickleball league that started in Texas a few years ago by like founders and CEOs and they just wanted to get together and shoot the shit and that's kind of evolved into a whole league over seven cities.

00:10:58.591 --> 00:11:00.386
So there's one starting in Scottsdale.

00:11:00.386 --> 00:11:05.187
So I met with the guy and I'll be playing in a league.

00:11:05.207 --> 00:11:09.783
Oh, wow, so yeah, that's exciting yeah, so tennis has been a big part of my life.

00:11:09.783 --> 00:11:11.649
Um, golf, love golf.

00:11:11.649 --> 00:11:16.280
Hardest sport, um, there is um, but I really enjoy it.

00:11:16.280 --> 00:11:33.364
There's nothing quite like hitting a really good golf shot and then trying to finish the round trying to replicate that as much as possible, which is the hardest thing to do so one of the new things now is like ladies going to golf courses to try to meet men, because men yeah, where I haven't seen any.

00:11:33.725 --> 00:11:35.809
That's what I was just gonna ask.

00:11:35.809 --> 00:11:40.466
You tell me, I'll set it up have you had any dating luck?

00:11:40.466 --> 00:11:42.009
On the golf course.

00:11:42.009 --> 00:11:42.129
What?

00:11:42.149 --> 00:11:43.251
about cart girls.

00:11:43.251 --> 00:11:44.686
Have you ever hit on a golf cart girl?

00:11:44.686 --> 00:11:45.822
I am not very good at hitting on people.

00:11:45.769 --> 00:11:45.917
It's weird.

00:11:45.917 --> 00:11:46.014
Have you ever hit on a golf cart girl?

00:11:46.014 --> 00:11:47.554
I am not very good at hitting on people.

00:11:47.554 --> 00:11:48.134
It's weird.

00:11:48.336 --> 00:11:49.475
No, you don't have a pickup line.

00:11:49.636 --> 00:11:50.336
I do not.

00:11:50.336 --> 00:11:51.701
I cringe at that.

00:11:51.701 --> 00:11:54.087
And it's just not my like that's.

00:11:54.087 --> 00:12:13.716
I think that's one of the reasons why I might be still single, because I find it really hard to approach a woman cold, Like I'm really good at having a conversation, but going up to a stranger and trying to break the ice is just, I just I don't know so let's say you're in a social setting and you see the most beautiful woman that you've ever seen before and you really want to talk to her do you?

00:12:13.735 --> 00:12:15.785
just not because you're too scared, or what do you do?

00:12:15.785 --> 00:12:16.207
How do you?

00:12:16.207 --> 00:12:17.794
What line do you use, or I don't?

00:12:18.015 --> 00:12:29.370
that's the thing if somebody introduces me, then I'm happy to have a conversation, or or, if the circumstance, if we're at the bar and we're ordering a similar drink, something to like organically open up a conversation.

00:12:30.080 --> 00:12:36.192
But if you're sitting across the bar from each other and you're just looking at her from across the bar, do you look?

00:12:36.192 --> 00:12:37.096
Do you look away?

00:12:37.096 --> 00:12:37.798
Do you not look?

00:12:37.798 --> 00:12:38.340
Do you look down?

00:12:38.520 --> 00:12:39.384
Yeah, I mean of course.

00:12:39.720 --> 00:12:40.740
Have you ever sent a drink?

00:12:40.761 --> 00:12:40.861
over.

00:12:40.861 --> 00:12:47.510
I have never sent a drink, no, maybe that's what you should do, and I actually, come to think of it, I don't really sit at bars alone.

00:12:49.212 --> 00:12:49.594
It's just.

00:12:49.594 --> 00:12:50.235
It's strange.

00:12:50.235 --> 00:12:54.292
I mean sometimes I will with a laptop or whatever, but nowadays it's so difficult.

00:12:54.292 --> 00:13:07.373
Back in the day I'm just aging myself here but back in the day, before cell phones, people would actually sit uh and actually engage in conversation across the table, but now it's so hard to break that digital barrier that is in front.

00:13:07.373 --> 00:13:10.087
I mean, it was maybe a month ago.

00:13:10.087 --> 00:13:11.091
I was at Postino's.

00:13:11.091 --> 00:13:14.350
I go there and hang out sometimes and you know, work or whatever.

00:13:14.350 --> 00:13:22.011
I didn't have my laptop, so I was just sitting there just people watching, and literally every single person at the bar was looking at their phone.

00:13:22.011 --> 00:13:23.666
I'm like, how am I supposed to break that barrier?

00:13:23.846 --> 00:13:24.469
Yes.

00:13:25.279 --> 00:13:36.149
So it's really difficult and I think that's common these days and that's probably why people don't meet as much organically is because there's just too many barriers and people are just jaded by their experiences.

00:13:37.221 --> 00:13:38.427
So what is your ideal type?

00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:50.341
Oh, I don't know if I have a type, but Okay, so I have this thing where I feel like there's four dimensions to compatibility or whatever.

00:13:50.341 --> 00:13:53.327
So there's physical, mental, uh, emotional and spiritual.

00:13:53.327 --> 00:14:19.613
So with that in mind, I think physically I would say somebody who's athletic I think I find intelligence attractive, someone who is independent Emotionally, somebody who is secure and emotionally vulnerable and open, because I feel like I am now.

00:14:19.613 --> 00:14:31.866
And then, spiritually, somebody who has got some perspective of life, because I've been through a lot and I find the depth that comes from people who have experienced things is at a different level.

00:14:31.866 --> 00:14:35.029
So if you get four of those shit, sign me up.

00:14:35.684 --> 00:14:36.899
But I'll be happy with two and a half.

00:14:36.899 --> 00:14:38.024
I was just going to say that.

00:14:38.024 --> 00:14:39.563
What's your minimum requirement?

00:14:39.563 --> 00:14:41.188
Two and a half out of four, okay.

00:14:41.288 --> 00:14:41.910
Three would be great.

00:14:43.181 --> 00:14:47.621
Do you have any embarrassing date stories or, okay, three would be great.

00:14:47.621 --> 00:14:49.304
Do you have any embarrassing date stories, or do you?

00:14:49.384 --> 00:14:49.927
have any crazy first dates.

00:14:49.927 --> 00:14:53.419
Yeah, I think you and I kind of briefly talked about that and I have an update on that.

00:14:53.419 --> 00:15:03.770
So the strangest one, which I've never experienced more than once, thank god was so I met this girl who was actually my Lyft driver.

00:15:03.770 --> 00:15:06.580
So this was a few years ago, before my last relationship.

00:15:06.580 --> 00:15:07.923
I was single, kind of doing my thing.

00:15:07.923 --> 00:15:11.591
I was going to meet some friends at the JW Marriott.

00:15:11.591 --> 00:15:13.423
There was apparently some sort of live band there.

00:15:13.423 --> 00:15:17.984
So you know, I'm feeling good and like I had a drink before I left, so I was feeling kind of loose.

00:15:18.605 --> 00:15:21.331
So I get in the Uber and this, this girl.

00:15:21.331 --> 00:15:39.285
It was dark so I didn't really get to see her too much, but she was like interesting and funny and she just moved into town and we started talking and then talking leads to flirting, so I end up, uh, uh, leaving the uber ride with her phone number and then she was going to a wedding in Florida or something for a few weeks.

00:15:39.285 --> 00:15:46.039
She came back, we connected, we end up going to this little um, we end up meeting at this place called white rabbit.

00:15:46.039 --> 00:15:54.063
It's a little um speakeasy down in gilbert and I was like man, she's probably not gonna show right, shows up on time.

00:15:54.063 --> 00:15:58.780
I'm like, wow, that's, I respect that in a like a beautiful black dress, like looking like.

00:15:58.780 --> 00:16:00.485
I'm like, damn, this is that girl.

00:16:00.485 --> 00:16:02.831
So I'm like I'm feeling pretty good.

00:16:02.831 --> 00:16:09.067
So we go inside have, start, have a couple of drinks and we're talking and we're laughing and we're just flirting and all that.

00:16:09.067 --> 00:16:10.429
I think.

00:16:10.429 --> 00:16:12.601
At one point I think we briefly kissed too.

00:16:13.683 --> 00:16:17.309
Maybe it must have been a memorable kiss.

00:16:17.309 --> 00:16:20.500
It was so dark, so this is what happened next.

00:16:20.520 --> 00:16:22.725
So she like excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

00:16:22.725 --> 00:16:24.809
I'm like cool, goes to the bathroom.

00:16:24.809 --> 00:16:30.989
A couple of minutes go by, I'm like la, la, la, you know, 10 minutes go by, 15 minutes go by.

00:16:30.989 --> 00:16:32.466
I'm like shit, I hope she's okay.

00:16:32.466 --> 00:16:41.128
So I end up going to the bathroom and there was a woman coming out and I'm like hey, is there a girl in there like with a black skirt and everything?

00:16:41.128 --> 00:16:50.642
And she and everything.

00:16:50.642 --> 00:16:51.182
And she's like no.

00:16:51.182 --> 00:16:52.447
So I'm like hang on what just happened here.

00:16:52.447 --> 00:16:56.357
So about 15 minutes later she sends me a text message saying I'm sorry, I had to leave, and that was it.

00:16:56.379 --> 00:16:56.698
That was it.

00:16:56.698 --> 00:16:57.221
Did you explain?

00:16:57.240 --> 00:16:57.461
what?

00:16:57.461 --> 00:16:58.942
No, she did not explain.

00:16:58.942 --> 00:17:06.272
She didn't explain, it just disappeared and I'm like did I completely misread that or what the heck happened?

00:17:06.272 --> 00:17:08.521
So, yeah, I got uh.

00:17:08.521 --> 00:17:14.704
I got uh, mid-date I don't know if there's a term for it never heard from her go, I mean ghosted kind of in real life.

00:17:14.704 --> 00:17:16.469
But is that really what ghost it is?

00:17:16.509 --> 00:17:18.942
ghosted is when, well, did you ever hear from her again?

00:17:19.063 --> 00:17:22.441
no, I mean I didn't reach out to her and I mean I said have a good life, kind of thing.

00:17:22.601 --> 00:17:26.612
But so she never explained what happened.

00:17:26.612 --> 00:17:29.208
I mean, maybe she had an upset stomach or she got sick.

00:17:29.347 --> 00:17:30.211
I don't know.

00:17:30.211 --> 00:17:31.519
But then why wouldn't you reach out?

00:17:31.519 --> 00:17:32.585
So you've never heard from her since.

00:17:32.585 --> 00:17:32.786
Nope.

00:17:33.161 --> 00:17:34.299
Wow, that is so bizarre.

00:17:34.299 --> 00:17:35.925
That is weird.

00:17:36.166 --> 00:17:45.288
And you know what's interesting, like I left, I was kind of feeling down on myself and it was like a little bit of a you know knock to my ego and I'm going home.

00:17:45.288 --> 00:17:48.130
I'm like shit, like is this what I have to deal?

00:17:48.190 --> 00:17:50.251
with You're like I can't even pick up an Uber driver.

00:17:50.251 --> 00:17:51.232
What's wrong with me?

00:17:51.472 --> 00:17:53.194
And I thought it was going gangbusters.

00:17:53.194 --> 00:18:07.508
But anyway, I was heading home and I just remember this, on the drive over and I was reading this book called Four Agreements, which I really love, and I was like, let's just keep that into perspective.

00:18:07.508 --> 00:18:12.277
So two of those agreements that it talks about is don't take anything personally and always do your best.

00:18:12.277 --> 00:18:16.367
And I was like, well, I did my best and I'm not going to take this personally, and that was that.

00:18:16.367 --> 00:18:17.211
So that was interesting.

00:18:17.211 --> 00:18:19.506
So here's the opposite of that.

00:18:19.599 --> 00:18:21.045
And this happened on Saturday.

00:18:21.045 --> 00:18:27.105
Oh gosh, I ended up doing the exact same thing to someone.

00:18:27.105 --> 00:18:27.728
What?

00:18:27.728 --> 00:18:37.752
But to be fair, she was out there, uh, and two, I, I explained myself, um, so it was.

00:18:38.233 --> 00:18:39.957
I met this woman on an app.

00:18:39.957 --> 00:18:42.682
So this is another reason why apps are doomed.

00:18:42.682 --> 00:18:44.686
I think it's just so transactional anyway.

00:18:44.686 --> 00:18:46.651
So, anyway, so I was like okay, what are you doing tonight?

00:18:46.651 --> 00:18:47.511
I want to meet up for a drink.

00:18:47.511 --> 00:18:55.650
I'm like, okay, so we end up meeting at the Beverly Beautiful woman like articulate speaks.

00:18:55.650 --> 00:19:00.851
Well, she was wearing this little necklace with a little crab on it.

00:19:00.851 --> 00:19:05.250
So I made the mistake of saying, oh, you're a cancer.

00:19:05.250 --> 00:19:12.173
And she, just like something clicked in her and I swear to you for the next two and a half hours and three drinks.

00:19:12.173 --> 00:19:26.421
She could not stop talking about astrology and she wanted to dissect everything about me and it just got to the point I'm like, just, is this like I'm happy to engage, but come on, take a breath Right?

00:19:26.421 --> 00:19:32.560
And then she goes to go to the restroom and she's like, hey, you don't mind if I do a bump, do you Like?

00:19:32.560 --> 00:19:33.403
Would you want to do one?

00:19:33.403 --> 00:19:34.788
I'm like this is a first date.

00:19:36.282 --> 00:19:37.195
Might as well just throw it all out.

00:19:37.195 --> 00:19:37.459
The table.

00:19:37.579 --> 00:19:41.832
I'm like, ok, you know, you do you, it's cool, I'm trying to be all cool about it.

00:19:41.832 --> 00:19:43.813
And then she goes to the restroom.

00:19:43.813 --> 00:19:46.994
Again, like 15 minutes go by, I'm like, no, this is not working.

00:19:46.994 --> 00:19:48.414
So I'm like you know what?

00:19:48.414 --> 00:19:49.635
I send her a message.

00:19:49.635 --> 00:19:51.997
I'm saying, look, I'm sorry, but this is not working.

00:19:51.997 --> 00:19:54.057
This is not what I wanted to have happen.

00:19:54.057 --> 00:19:59.210
And seems like you're pretty busy in the restroom, so I'm just gonna bounce, be safe, have a good evening.

00:19:59.210 --> 00:20:01.942
And then she texts me like an hour and a half later.

00:20:01.942 --> 00:20:05.248
She's like oh, oh, I'm so sorry I didn't you know.

00:20:05.248 --> 00:20:06.230
I'm sorry, I took so long.

00:20:06.230 --> 00:20:07.171
Can I come over?

00:20:07.171 --> 00:20:08.232
I'll make it up to you.

00:20:08.232 --> 00:20:13.009
Wow, I swear I'm not making this up, that's crazy.

00:20:14.540 --> 00:20:15.740
Yeah, it was weird, did you?

00:20:15.760 --> 00:20:17.165
pay the tab before you left though?

00:20:17.165 --> 00:20:19.803
Yeah, of course you did, I did.

00:20:19.844 --> 00:20:23.952
Yeah, Okay, you didn't leave along, because I don't like to leave my card open.

00:20:24.053 --> 00:20:27.059
But you know, yeah, how old was this woman?

00:20:27.842 --> 00:20:30.386
she said she was 31, but who the hell knows?

00:20:30.929 --> 00:20:31.730
wow, that's probably.

00:20:31.730 --> 00:20:39.605
That's probably why she felt like she could text you that she was like well, he liked me enough to pay for the date, so why don't I just uh?

00:20:39.605 --> 00:20:41.648
I don't know what was going on in?

00:20:41.669 --> 00:20:46.709
there, but it wasn't doing it for me, so yeah, so I guess full circle.

00:20:47.000 --> 00:20:53.093
But you know, it happens on the other side too, because we interviewed a woman last night and same thing happened to her.

00:20:53.093 --> 00:20:55.446
The guy went to the restroom and never came back.

00:20:55.708 --> 00:21:00.267
Really Mid-day, mid-dinner and left her with a tab Left her with a tab too, Wow.

00:21:00.267 --> 00:21:01.967
So it's not just you.

00:21:01.967 --> 00:21:06.923
It seems like it happens a lot.

00:21:06.943 --> 00:21:08.291
It does and this is why I think online dating is ridiculous.

00:21:08.291 --> 00:21:09.640
This is why there are so many single people out there nowadays.

00:21:09.640 --> 00:21:11.766
People just treat people so poorly.

00:21:11.925 --> 00:21:12.428
Why is that?

00:21:12.428 --> 00:21:24.903
Why is that that there are so many like I have so many really interesting, smart, funny, single women, friends who say they have so many single, interesting, smart men, single friends, but why is it that we can't find each?

00:21:24.962 --> 00:21:25.104
other.

00:21:25.104 --> 00:21:26.646
That's why we started this podcast, Gresh.

00:21:26.646 --> 00:21:27.208
That's why we're here.

00:21:27.208 --> 00:21:28.049
Bring them all together.

00:21:28.049 --> 00:21:28.852
Good karma.

00:21:28.912 --> 00:21:29.492
Yeah.

00:21:30.141 --> 00:21:31.547
So send us all your referrals.

00:21:31.880 --> 00:21:33.607
Send us all of your friends, absolutely.

00:21:34.101 --> 00:21:35.185
Bring them to the meat market.

00:21:35.941 --> 00:21:36.624
Are you ready for it?

00:21:36.624 --> 00:21:37.807
I'm ready for it.

00:21:37.807 --> 00:21:40.625
The Keep More Minute, sponsored by Tactical Tax Strategies.

00:21:40.625 --> 00:21:42.969
Strategies they help you keep more in your wallet.

00:21:42.969 --> 00:21:44.872
We help you keep more in your love life.

00:21:44.872 --> 00:21:51.892
Today's listener question comes to us from Delilah.

00:21:51.892 --> 00:21:56.240
She says my boyfriend is Jewish and I am so in love with him.

00:21:56.240 --> 00:22:01.292
His family are a little cold to me and I fear it is because they don't approve of me.

00:22:01.292 --> 00:22:06.050
They are all devout Jews and want him to marry someone in the same religion.

00:22:06.050 --> 00:22:09.924
I am not religious but I am spiritual.

00:22:09.924 --> 00:22:16.486
I'm not sure I could ever convert and it breaks my heart, but deep down I just don't think it's going to last.

00:22:16.486 --> 00:22:18.290
Am I wasting my time?

00:22:20.564 --> 00:22:24.590
wasn't there a show about this with Kristen Bell and Adam Brody?

00:22:24.590 --> 00:22:27.686
I don't know, I don't remember.

00:22:27.686 --> 00:22:28.318
Remember when he was Jewish.

00:22:28.580 --> 00:22:29.104
Oh, he was a rabbi.

00:22:29.104 --> 00:22:31.093
A rabbi, yes, and he fell in love with Kristen Bell.

00:22:31.093 --> 00:22:32.038
It was a comedy show.

00:22:32.038 --> 00:22:32.318
Yes.

00:22:32.900 --> 00:22:34.806
But she wasn't Jewish and he needed to.

00:22:34.826 --> 00:22:36.029
That's correct, that is correct.

00:22:36.440 --> 00:22:57.279
That's tough because I feel, like certain religions they really do want you to marry within their If there isn't a conversation about expectations, then how do you know whether you're expected to convert or not?

00:22:57.420 --> 00:22:57.621
Yeah.

00:22:57.750 --> 00:23:00.769
So it's like I think there needs to be like a family dinner.

00:23:00.950 --> 00:23:04.439
Well, I mean, I think the first conversation has to be with the man.

00:23:04.720 --> 00:23:05.541
Yes, for sure.

00:23:05.690 --> 00:23:09.239
Because family is one thing, but you have to know where your partner stands in this.

00:23:09.239 --> 00:23:10.555
And I mean, I'll be honest, that's.

00:23:10.555 --> 00:23:18.683
I was smiling when this question came up because I have had exactly the same experience.

00:23:18.683 --> 00:23:23.320
I'm not religious, I'm spiritual, I'm agnostic.

00:23:23.320 --> 00:23:36.599
I do believe there's a higher power, but I'm not a big fan of organized religion and my ex is extremely religious and we talked about it in the beginning and I was like, look, religion is a very personal thing.

00:23:36.599 --> 00:23:38.115
So you do, you.

00:23:38.115 --> 00:23:46.942
I respect that, as long as you can respect my viewpoint and it doesn't spill over into our life, right?

00:23:46.942 --> 00:23:51.980
Unfortunately, it does come in.

00:23:51.980 --> 00:24:09.500
So I think it's very important not just to have one static conversation about it, but keep keep probing that, because sometimes it will show up and I had that happen and that was one of the things that just caused me to question whether this person was mine or not.

00:24:10.123 --> 00:24:13.196
So I feel it's unfortunate because it's so hard to find love nowadays.

00:24:13.196 --> 00:24:16.003
It's so hard to find someone that you would want to spend the rest of your life with, and it's unfortunate because it's so hard to find love nowadays.

00:24:16.003 --> 00:24:22.511
It's so hard to find someone that you would want to spend the rest of your life with, and it's unfortunate that you do find someone and then religion kind of prevents you from being together, I know so.

00:24:22.551 --> 00:24:28.717
My guilty pleasure is 90 Day Fiance, and it's always, always, on every single season.

00:24:28.717 --> 00:24:36.201
There's always one or two women or men from the US that end up falling in love with, like a Muslim person.

00:24:36.201 --> 00:24:50.638
And it's always, they, always, they always end up breaking up, because the families cannot accept someone who is not, who won't convert you know, and so it's just like it's hard, that's hard.

00:24:51.170 --> 00:24:55.242
My brother had his heart broken one time in his life and my brother's such a good guy.

00:24:55.242 --> 00:25:06.181
What a lucky guy he treats women so well and he was dating this Mormon girl and he was so into her and he treated her so well, but she ended up breaking up with him because he wasn't Mormon, he wouldn't convert yeah.

00:25:06.541 --> 00:25:06.741
Yeah.

00:25:06.741 --> 00:25:13.038
So I mean I guess if the two people are completely aligned there, then there is strength to endure the family.

00:25:13.038 --> 00:25:19.555
But that's something you have to really know for sure before you go down that path so agreed.

00:25:20.897 --> 00:25:23.343
So now we're going to discuss an article from the new york times.

00:25:23.343 --> 00:25:27.759
It's about therapy and how therapy is becoming more common and acceptable in today's society.

00:25:27.759 --> 00:25:33.038
So did you know that az is consistently ranked the worst place to date in the entire country?

00:25:33.420 --> 00:25:34.161
That explains a lot.

00:25:34.161 --> 00:25:35.463
I was going to say I believe it.

00:25:35.463 --> 00:25:37.355
Which one's the best?

00:25:37.355 --> 00:25:38.779
I'm moving there Just kidding.

00:25:39.910 --> 00:25:47.996
So it's based on the high rate of romance scams, ghosting, high unemployment rate and lack of mental health providers.

00:25:47.996 --> 00:26:02.618
Interesting and it makes me sad because I remember when I gave birth to my two girls, my anxiety was off the roof and I'm like maybe I should go see someone, but no one would accept my, no one would accept insurance period.

00:26:02.618 --> 00:26:04.626
They're like we only take cash and that's hard a lot of people and it's expensive a lot of people.

00:26:04.626 --> 00:26:11.413
We have insurance for a reason to help us pay our bill, medical bills, and if they don't accept our insurance, a lot of people don't have hundreds of dollars for each session.

00:26:11.413 --> 00:26:12.836
So that's a big reason.

00:26:12.836 --> 00:26:20.215
Anyways, this article states that nowadays, dating comes with its own dictionary, a collection of buzzwords like breadcrumbing.

00:26:20.215 --> 00:26:21.239
Have you heard breadcrumbing?

00:26:21.278 --> 00:26:22.230
No, what is that so?

00:26:22.269 --> 00:26:28.642
it's like it's when someone, so it's when someone gives you just a little bit to keep you coming.

00:26:28.642 --> 00:26:32.333
So you're like Hansel and Gretel, picking up the breadcrumbs, chasing after the person.

00:26:32.333 --> 00:26:38.888
They don't give you, like their full on self, but they just leave a trail of breadcrumbs for you, leading you on without committing.

00:26:38.909 --> 00:26:38.990
Yes.

00:26:40.030 --> 00:26:40.835
Yeah, I guess that makes sense.

00:26:40.910 --> 00:26:42.075
Ghosting you know what ghosting is.

00:26:42.075 --> 00:26:43.960
And then zombying have you heard what zombying is?

00:26:43.960 --> 00:26:44.749
Coming back from the dead.

00:26:44.871 --> 00:26:49.712
You know all these terms, yeah because zombies I have zombies come back all the time.

00:26:49.712 --> 00:26:51.375
I just I had a zombie come back.

00:26:51.375 --> 00:26:54.396
I had a guy that I hadn't spoken to in a year.

00:26:54.396 --> 00:26:58.621
Text me out of the blue, like a zombie, back from the dead, like two weeks ago.

00:26:58.641 --> 00:26:59.801
Is it because he just wants to hook up?

00:26:59.801 --> 00:27:00.462
Probably.

00:27:00.462 --> 00:27:01.644
What are you doing tonight, baby?

00:27:01.663 --> 00:27:04.625
So that's what it is Zombies, like somebody from your past coming back?

00:27:04.726 --> 00:27:15.018
Yes, yes, guilty, but in recent years psychology terms like love bombing, gaslighting and trauma bonding have also wedged their way into the lexicon.

00:27:15.018 --> 00:27:25.646
Dating apps are now offering prompts like therapy taught me blank, a boundary of mine is blank and my therapist say I would blank.

00:27:25.646 --> 00:27:30.220
People are asking what does connection look like to you?

00:27:30.220 --> 00:27:36.617
And around the third date they initiate discussions about their prospective partner's attachment style a tidy summation of childhood trauma.

00:27:36.617 --> 00:27:39.900
This terminology isn't unusual nowadays.

00:27:39.900 --> 00:27:46.598
Therapy-related words and phrases have trickled into workplaces, surfaced at schools and galvanized people online.

00:27:46.598 --> 00:27:52.618
In the 50s or even the 80s, it would be hard to imagine that saying I see my therapist regularly would have status.

00:27:52.618 --> 00:27:57.933
But now, taking care of one's mental health carries social currency in some fears.

00:27:57.933 --> 00:28:03.854
You see a therapist right and you say it's very, very helpful yep, it is, uh, in, it has been.

00:28:04.315 --> 00:28:10.537
Um, I was one of those, like I'm a gen xer, so, like you know, figuring your shit out, but, um, I do believe in it.

00:28:10.537 --> 00:28:20.034
In fact, I am pretty close to that field because we are implementing behavioral health in our primary care clinics Precisely for the reason that you mentioned.

00:28:20.034 --> 00:28:30.523
There is a lot of barriers to entry for access to behavioral health, right, so you have to pay a large copay and a lot of times therapists won't even accept insurance and their cash pay.

00:28:30.523 --> 00:28:38.284
So we're trying to figure out a way around it and really integrate it with the physical health component, because it is all one, right.

00:28:38.730 --> 00:28:48.170
For some reason, western medicine has this idea that, you know, physical medicine is distinct from mental medicine and spiritual or emotional medicine.

00:28:48.170 --> 00:28:57.192
But now there is more and more research that is coming out that we're all kind of one and having that behavioral and mental health component to it is so important.

00:28:57.192 --> 00:29:00.200
But, yes, personally I I think it it.

00:29:00.200 --> 00:29:04.515
It allows me to get out of my echo chamber.

00:29:04.515 --> 00:29:12.278
I think we all have our echo chambers, um, and our sort of conversations we have with ourselves that are often reaffirming of our own beliefs.

00:29:12.278 --> 00:29:20.384
So I think the biggest thing for me is to get a perspective outside of that echo chamber and then be able to reflect on it and maybe find some lessons.

00:29:21.311 --> 00:29:35.896
One of the points in that article that I thought was really interesting and I think it was more towards geared more towards women using it as as um, as an indicator of whether they wanted to go out with a man or not, is interesting you know, do you go to therapy?

00:29:35.896 --> 00:29:40.832
And if he says yes, it's an indication that he's financially stable, because therapy is so expensive.

00:29:40.832 --> 00:29:49.321
It's true and I never thought about that until I read that in the article and I was like wow, I was like that kind of is a point I guess,

00:29:49.342 --> 00:29:50.325
it's all about the money.

00:29:50.345 --> 00:29:51.086
He must have money.

00:29:51.086 --> 00:29:52.492
He sees a therapist.

00:29:52.492 --> 00:29:55.058
They see the dollar signs exactly.

00:29:55.058 --> 00:30:05.721
Well then it says like, instead of being like, I'm 5, 11 and I can bench press some large amounts, it's like now people are like I've grappled with the challenges of my childhood and I've thought deeply about my issues.

00:30:05.721 --> 00:30:08.739
Um, it says, now we're selling mental health.

00:30:08.739 --> 00:30:18.807
Um, a study asked participants to rank what they're looking for in a prospective partner, expecting the the usual answers sexual attractiveness, trustworthiness, humor, similar interests.

00:30:18.807 --> 00:30:25.343
But this time respondents wanted matches with emotional maturity and the ability to process and grapple with one's feelings.

00:30:26.310 --> 00:30:40.316
You still have to, though, get to know someone fairly well to see if that's true, because, you know, on a dating profile anybody can write oh yeah, I've, I'm healed, I've dealt with my childhood trauma, oh yeah.

00:30:40.316 --> 00:30:41.898
I see a counselor.

00:30:41.898 --> 00:30:54.255
I've worked on, I've done the work, you know anybody can say that, but it's like you have to really spend some significant time with someone to figure out if that really is the case or not.

00:30:54.855 --> 00:31:00.565
And you have to personally be willing to see yourself as flawed.

00:31:00.565 --> 00:31:10.559
Yes, and I have a lot of examples of people that do exactly that, where they're all about the mental health, but it's sometimes just it's the front.

00:31:11.171 --> 00:31:27.076
And there is some deep insecurity hiding behind that that they have not addressed, and unless you do that on your own personal level, it's all just a show, and then it just becomes a skin that you put out there along with whatever else you put as a skin to come out a certain way.

00:31:27.076 --> 00:31:29.297
So yeah, it's interesting, it's super interesting.

00:31:29.538 --> 00:31:30.119
A couple more things.

00:31:30.119 --> 00:31:33.576
It goes on to say that in the 60s and 70s, that's not what we were trying to sell.

00:31:33.576 --> 00:31:41.178
We were trying to sell intelligence, being fun, being creative, being career oriented.

00:31:41.178 --> 00:31:41.981
Now we're trying to sell mental health.

00:31:41.981 --> 00:31:45.615
A growing number of people now are broadcasting intimate, specific details, including proclamations, about their mental health.

00:31:45.615 --> 00:31:49.134
It's a technique used to both signal your values and to weed people out.

00:31:49.134 --> 00:31:56.997
If therapy is essential to you, for example, you might not want to date someone who's never been, how would you date someone that's never been to a therapist?

00:31:57.017 --> 00:32:00.030
yeah, yeah yeah, I mean, you know, everybody's got their own journey.

00:32:00.030 --> 00:32:05.590
Um, maybe some people are lucky and they're pretty emotionally well regulated by themselves.

00:32:05.590 --> 00:32:08.921
Um, but I'm not opposed to or against.

00:32:08.921 --> 00:32:18.836
But I will say, if somebody is vehemently against going to therapy, I think that is a limiting factor, um, because then you're not willing to grow and evolve.

00:32:18.836 --> 00:32:22.652
Um, and you know, I've been in long relationships and relationships don't stay static.

00:32:22.652 --> 00:32:32.940
You have to be willing to work at it and, you know, hear each other and speak to each other, which, surprisingly, becomes more difficult the more you get to know people, because we all have expectations of each other, right?

00:32:32.940 --> 00:32:33.823
Um?

00:32:33.823 --> 00:32:45.538
So if somebody is completely opposed to it, that I will, I don't need therapy, I'm, you know, then I'll be like we all do so and then it ends with by saying you know, therapy suggests that you've done the work.

00:32:45.638 --> 00:32:49.756
In other words, you're enlightened, you're the best version of yourself and you're ready to go.

00:32:51.159 --> 00:32:53.383
No, no not at all.

00:32:53.844 --> 00:33:00.280
Not at all so now it's time for the celebrity cut, where we marinate in the juices of the celebrity, and I want to talk about that movie, anora.

00:33:00.280 --> 00:33:09.656
That won like every single award, and it's a movie about a sex worker that falls in love with the son of a russian oligarchy and then his family's trying to break them off again.

00:33:09.656 --> 00:33:15.820
We're always talking about how now sex workers are becoming more, you know, common, it's less taboo.

00:33:15.820 --> 00:33:17.051
And that won the award.

00:33:17.051 --> 00:33:17.515
For what was it?

00:33:17.515 --> 00:33:22.394
Best picture, best actress, best screenplay, best director, best editing, like the list goes on they got a lot.

00:33:22.473 --> 00:33:23.256
Yep, have you seen it?

00:33:23.256 --> 00:33:24.198
I have not.

00:33:24.198 --> 00:33:28.759
I did see the oscars um, and I was like that is one of them.

00:33:28.759 --> 00:33:33.134
That and the brutalist I think are really good with the one that won with the I love him.

00:33:33.334 --> 00:33:35.880
I was gonna go see and then I saw it's like almost a four hour movie.

00:33:36.019 --> 00:33:36.882
Oh my gosh, oh, for real.

00:33:36.882 --> 00:33:37.663
Oh, my God.

00:33:37.869 --> 00:33:38.855
That's what happened with Anora.

00:33:38.855 --> 00:33:41.759
So this week after we talked about that, we were going to talk about this.

00:33:41.759 --> 00:33:44.285
I actually I rented it off of Prime.

00:33:44.285 --> 00:33:44.950
You can rent it now.

00:33:44.950 --> 00:33:48.573
It took.

00:33:48.573 --> 00:33:52.174
Yeah, it's like Prime gives you 48 hours to watch it.

00:33:52.174 --> 00:33:59.101
It took me the entire 48 hours because I cannot watch a movie without falling asleep, but it was spicy.

00:33:59.101 --> 00:34:00.602
Ooh, it was like.

00:34:00.602 --> 00:34:08.266
I was like thank God I'm not watching this with my mother, Because it was like it was graphic.

00:34:11.150 --> 00:34:14.539
Like but it was, it's a great movie and apparently it was made with like a $35 million budget.

00:34:14.539 --> 00:34:15.362
Yes, which is bizarre.

00:34:16.090 --> 00:34:17.733
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah and it won everything.

00:34:17.793 --> 00:34:20.800
Yes, I I do haven't not seen it.

00:34:20.800 --> 00:34:31.487
I did see the substance and I think demi more did amazing oh no, no, I'm talking about anora you know, I know, but I'm like that was one category where I was hoping that demi more would have won, because was she good in that?

00:34:31.547 --> 00:34:31.748
I heard?

00:34:31.748 --> 00:34:32.791
That movie was terrible.

00:34:32.791 --> 00:34:33.233
Was it good?

00:34:33.293 --> 00:34:34.838
it's good it's dark, it's really dark.

00:34:34.838 --> 00:34:37.637
I mean depends on what you like isn't it kind of fakey though?

00:34:37.637 --> 00:34:47.710
I mean to a certain extent, but it also exposes a lot of like darkness stuff that I think we all struggle with, specifically loneliness and trying to fit in and all that stuff.

00:34:47.710 --> 00:34:51.253
So it's an interesting study into that and I like Demi Moore.

00:34:51.275 --> 00:34:52.076
I think she's beautiful.

00:34:52.076 --> 00:34:54.159
She's aged so well, she is so gorgeous.

00:34:58.092 --> 00:35:01.969
So where do you take someone on a first date?

00:35:01.969 --> 00:35:03.554
Somewhere low-key.

00:35:03.554 --> 00:35:07.222
I don't believe in doing like elaborate dinners on the first date.

00:35:07.222 --> 00:35:11.938
I also don't.

00:35:11.938 --> 00:35:13.768
I think it should be interactive.

00:35:16.490 --> 00:35:17.577
So one of my go-tos has been this place called Wonder.

00:35:17.597 --> 00:35:17.739
Spaces.00:35:17.739 --> 00:35:20.856


It's like an interactive art thingy and you walk around it.00:35:20.856 --> 00:35:25.521


You have conversation, you walk around where's that Old Town.00:35:25.521 --> 00:35:29.916


That's a good spot, don't they have different?00:35:29.976 --> 00:35:31.039


rooms with different stuff.00:35:31.190 --> 00:35:32.757


They do and they keep changing it.00:35:32.757 --> 00:35:42.742


That's why it's kind of nice to go back to, because they keep changing the installations, so they're like interactive art exhibit, if you will that, or just like a low-key.00:35:42.742 --> 00:35:50.193


I go to a hot yoga at the studio down in South Scottsdale and there's a little wine and beer place right next to it called Rift.00:35:50.193 --> 00:35:51.237


Shout out to Rift.00:35:51.237 --> 00:35:54.355


It's a good spot, it's casual.00:35:54.355 --> 00:35:55.338


Do you have a hot yoga university?00:35:55.338 --> 00:35:58.737


No, it's called Blue Buddha.00:35:58.737 --> 00:36:03.822


But Karen, who was the owner of hot yoga, she broke off and started this studio.00:36:03.909 --> 00:36:05.114


Yeah, she did years ago.00:36:05.114 --> 00:36:07.376


Okay, oh, I'll have to check it out then.00:36:07.650 --> 00:36:08.873


Yeah, it's like a small studio.00:36:08.873 --> 00:36:10.018


She owned it too.00:36:10.018 --> 00:36:11.635


Yep, just one studio.00:36:11.635 --> 00:36:18.518


Some of the classes get a little too busy and I don't like that because it's hot yoga, but otherwise the community school.00:36:18.518 --> 00:36:19.740


They have a little coffee shop there.00:36:19.740 --> 00:36:20.813


It's neat, it's a good vibe.00:36:21.255 --> 00:36:25.510


Yeah, so one of those do you have a unique talent or something that you don't tell many people?00:36:27.114 --> 00:36:32.663


a unique talent or secret or I'm a pretty good dancer does that count?00:36:33.204 --> 00:36:34.413


what kind of dancing like I?00:36:34.452 --> 00:36:35.556


like Latin Really.00:36:35.556 --> 00:36:36.099


I think I was.00:36:36.099 --> 00:36:47.637


I think I am somewhere Latin American somewhere, because love the music, love the food, love the dance, love the women, so yeah, Now it's time for the juiciest segment of the show the meat grab.00:36:48.079 --> 00:36:48.400


The meat grab.00:36:48.400 --> 00:36:49.501


Are you down for the challenge?00:37:03.369 --> 00:37:04.112


up for the grab link to share.00:37:04.112 --> 00:37:04.554


Pick one if you dare.00:37:04.554 --> 00:37:05.418


Some are innocent, some are not so innocent.00:37:05.438 --> 00:37:06.021


Okay, what am I supposed to do?00:37:06.041 --> 00:37:07.829


yeah, read the question oh shit, okay, would you be open to a polyamorous relationship?00:37:07.829 --> 00:37:12.778


Wow, uh, maybe.00:37:12.778 --> 00:37:15.625


I mean, I have never been in that situation.00:37:15.625 --> 00:37:19.755


I do have a friend that was in an em relationship, which I thought was kind of interesting what is that?00:37:19.755 --> 00:37:21.699


So ethical non-monogamy, so it's.00:37:21.699 --> 00:37:35.036


It's not polyamorous, where it's like a group but each of the partners has one other person outside of the relationship, but it's emotional monogamy.00:37:35.036 --> 00:37:38.664


So the two partners are the core, that's it.00:37:42.750 --> 00:37:43.893


And then you just find interesting things outside of that.00:37:43.893 --> 00:37:46.438


Is it because they're not compatible sexually with each other?00:37:46.699 --> 00:37:53.027


No, yeah, they just feel like it's too one-dimensional to be completely monogamous for your whole life.00:37:53.027 --> 00:37:55.414


Okay, and I think that's an interesting perspective.00:37:55.414 --> 00:37:55.635


It is.00:37:55.635 --> 00:37:56.135


So I'm not.00:37:56.135 --> 00:38:02.717


Yeah, I'm certainly not square, so I'm not opposed to it, but I've never been in that situation.00:38:02.717 --> 00:38:03.583


But I guess that's official now.00:38:03.583 --> 00:38:04.389


I would be open to it.00:38:05.070 --> 00:38:08.510


Don't they say that monogamy is created by society?00:38:08.510 --> 00:38:10.251


Like we're not supposed to be monogamous.00:38:11.132 --> 00:38:11.954


Yeah, yeah.00:38:12.574 --> 00:38:16.458


And you say you know the happiest couples that you know aren't monogamous.00:38:16.559 --> 00:38:21.184


Yeah, yeah, I have a couple of friends that are in similar like emotional or what did you call it?00:38:21.184 --> 00:38:22.525


Emotional, not emotional.00:38:22.565 --> 00:38:22.626


E&M.00:38:26.449 --> 00:38:30.550


E&M yeah, that are in situations that are in relationships like that, and they've been married for my one, friends have been married for 10 years.00:38:30.550 --> 00:38:34.657


They're celebrating their 10-year wedding anniversary and they've been together for 15.00:38:34.657 --> 00:38:37.342


And that's, I mean that's always sad.00:38:37.503 --> 00:38:38.384


It's fascinating to me.00:38:38.384 --> 00:38:48.920


I mean, obviously you have to be really, really emotionally mature to be able to handle something like that, but if you are able to, with therapy and whatnot, then you know why not.00:38:49.159 --> 00:38:49.981


And communication.00:38:49.981 --> 00:38:51.083


I think that's the other thing.00:38:51.083 --> 00:38:56.463


Oh, 100%, not just emotional maturity, but you have to know how to communicate with your partner.00:38:56.463 --> 00:38:57.856


I don't want to know the details, though.00:38:57.856 --> 00:39:01.880


I'm happy not knowing the intimate details of whatever Right exactly.00:39:01.880 --> 00:39:07.045


I wouldn't want to know details what I don't know can't hurt me, but no, with the monogamy thing.00:39:07.065 --> 00:39:13.563


It's interesting because I was reading some article somewhere, because back in the day our life expectancy was 45, right?00:39:13.563 --> 00:39:17.811


So you get married at about 20, you have kiddos and you're done by 45.00:39:17.811 --> 00:39:19.134


Now we're living to 90 plus.00:39:19.134 --> 00:39:23.163


So imagine being with someone for 60, 70, 80 years of your life.00:39:23.163 --> 00:39:27.320


That's a long time, yeah, especially in today's add culture.00:39:27.340 --> 00:39:30.911


So yeah, I have a friend that he's married and they're.00:39:30.911 --> 00:39:36.128


They have an open marriage and they're on a swingers cruise now and I see their pictures and it looks so much fun.00:39:36.128 --> 00:39:37.813


You know they're having like the time of their life.00:39:37.853 --> 00:39:39.838


So, to each their own, to each their own.00:39:40.079 --> 00:39:41.001


And they're super happy.00:39:41.001 --> 00:39:42.269


Different strokes for different folks.00:39:42.269 --> 00:39:43.501


So if you met the right person.00:39:43.501 --> 00:39:46.132


If you met the right two girls, you would be in a polyamorous relationship.00:39:46.132 --> 00:39:46.793


You're open to it.00:39:47.253 --> 00:39:50.679


Yeah, I mean, I said it on air so I guess I am but thank you.00:39:50.679 --> 00:39:57.530


I'll report back.00:39:58.251 --> 00:40:02.795


Well, thank you so much for joining us this week at the Meat Market and thank you so much, Varesh.00:40:02.795 --> 00:40:09.420


If you want to meet Varesh, take him on a date, Go to themeatmarketpodcastcom or our socials at meatmarketpodcast.00:40:09.420 --> 00:40:10.121


Send us a DM.00:40:10.121 --> 00:40:12.021


Don't forget to like, follow and subscribe.00:40:12.021 --> 00:40:14.864


And thank you so much to our sponsor, Tactical Tax Strategies.00:40:14.864 --> 00:40:24.211


If you want to preserve your wealth this tax season and keep more in your wallet, Tactical Tax Strategies is the one for you.00:40:24.211 --> 00:40:25.313


See you next week at the Mean Market.00:40:25.313 --> 00:40:27.978


Oh my God, I just totally got catfished.00:40:27.978 --> 00:40:30.003


He looks absolutely nothing like his picture.00:40:37.409 --> 00:40:39.275


So I found out, the guy that I've been dating is married with kids.00:40:39.275 --> 00:40:39.916


His wife just reached out to me.