Looking for Love: Melissa’s Playful Pursuit of Mr. Right

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Oh my god, I just totally got catfished.

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He looks absolutely nothing like his picture.

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So I found out, the guy that I've been dating is married with kids.

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His wife just reached out to me.

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Welcome to the Meat Market.

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The single scene is a slaughterhouse and we are here to devour it.

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We are your hosts.

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I'm Lindsay and I'm Jess, and today's sizzling single is the marvelous, magnificent Melissa.

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Welcome.

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Thanks for being here, Hello, hello so we're going to jump right in.

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So you had made the comment that you have the ability and the intellect to connect and date any guy, whether they're 20 or 60, and you've dated all ages in between.

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So tell us, asking for a friend, are the younger guys really better in bed?

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Are they saucier in the sack?

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No, no.

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What?

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Really?

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No, definitely not.

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You know, I feel like being dating like back in the dating scene at 41,.

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This is the age of the golden girls, you know.

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We have so much like judgment on what women in their 40s are, who they are, what they want, you know who they date.

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I happen to think that we're in the like premier dating, you know age bracket because we really can connect to younger men in their 30s who are really, you know, maybe older souls but building businesses and doing cool things and they can connect with older women.

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And then you can really connect with older men who have maybe already built their businesses, already done their thing, you know, and are now kind of back on the scene.

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So you connect with them differently for sure.

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Well, it's becoming a trend now, older women with younger guys.

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I mean, look at all these movies.

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Baby, girl, family, affair, bless, nicole Kidman, she's lucky I I mean look at her and her scenes with Zac.

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Efron and then in Baby Girl, that hot English actor I haven't watched that, yet I need to.

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But then it's also like it's also like you're dating a younger guy and it's like listen, you don't act right like I'm gonna go date your dad.

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Like like chill, because, because I could date you, but I could also date your dad.

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Like that's the, that's the nice thing about our age, being single at our age, because it's like you really can go younger or older.

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There are so many tiktoks of men that are like how come all the 40 year old now, all the 40 year old girls now, are looking like they're 20 and all the 20 year olds are looking like they're 40?

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Um, because they're taking care of themselves and they're prioritizing themselves and they're loving themselves and, like all the year olds, I think it's so unfortunate because they're pumping their face at such a young age of Botox and fillers when they don't need it.

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So they're 20 and they look like they're 50, trying to look 20.

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Whereas the 40 year olds, I feel now we take care of ourselves.

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So we are 40, looking like we're 20.

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Yeah, we still got it.

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You know, and that's kind of it actually, I've noticed kind of a range.

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Right after my divorce I felt like every man I met was 26.

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I'm like what is happening right now?

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So every date I was on for the first, probably six or seven months after my divorce, they were all younger guys and part of me wonders if there was a Stella got your groove back moment in that.

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And it was also just fun and lighthearted and you just energetic and like a post-divorce yeah, that was like pulling in this energy, this like young energy.

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Let's have fun swinging from the chandeliers and just goofing off when we get to our age, we don't give a fuck like.

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We are so much more confident and self-assured.

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I mean, I think that, and that's appealing to men, that's what guys want, especially, you know, in the bedroom.

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Younger women are so insecure what they look like naked.

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Turn the lights off, all right, I don't give a fuck.

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You know, what I learned, though really fast, was sometimes, with younger men, especially if they get attached, you really do have a responsibility as an older woman to acknowledge their innocent feelings.

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Or their mommy issues.

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Yes, honestly, he's been a good boy.

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It's like feelings or their mommy issues.

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Yes, honestly, he's been a good boy.

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Okay, wait a minute.

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I'm actually not in for this.

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I'm not in.

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I'm not in to help you manage your emotions.

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Have you ever had a younger guy get attached to you like that?

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Yes, and they get obsessive, like drive by the house, leave notes on the car.

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It's like it's a flashback to those feelings of when you were in college and you really had your first love and your first like attached relationship.

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And then you then you feel for me.

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I felt so bad because then I realized I had to kind of nurse him back to sanity, you know, and then became his therapist.

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So then you know, not really, but yeah.

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I only dated one younger guy, and I will say that he was very needy, very eager, willing to please, like I could treat him, however, and he would still want to be with me, yeah, you know.

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What's funny, though, is when I was like kind of researching this subject, it was like frequently asked questions how do I make an older woman fall in love with me?

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Oh, my.

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God.

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And all the answers are like.

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Respect her independence.

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But I guess a lot of younger guys want older women now.

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That's true.

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But you know and I find this my whole life and you probably do too, it's the a lot of times the thing that they're most gravitated to, the thing that they love the most about you, is also the single thing that they try to tame once they're with you.

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You know they love that free spirit.

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Once they're with you, they love that free spirit.

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They love your success.

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They love your work ethic when it's casual, right.

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But now all of a sudden they're having to work around your schedule or they're having to accommodate for your career and those types of things.

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Now they're getting their feelings hurt, and so there definitely can be a balance with that.

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I find with older men they have way more understanding and they can support me in a different way as I'm building a business, just because a lot of times they're on the other side of that.

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So they understand that hustle.

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Yeah.

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So when I was in my early 20s probably like 22, I was a member of a high profile dating agency.

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One of my friends was a matchmaker there and so she convinced me to join, and they would never tell you anything about the guys that you were going on a date with nothing.

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So I most of the guys I'd say were probably old enough to be my grandfather and they were very wealthy.

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Because word on the street was you had to pay $30,000 a quarter to be in this um club, this club, yeah, and I remember the first date.

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I go on, he was probably 65 and I was 22.

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He he was from the South and he was like I love English food, sometimes I love bangers and mash, sometimes I love to banger, sometimes.

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I love to masher.

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Wow.

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And then the only other date that comes to mind was I went on a date with this other gentleman who he invited me to the Melina ball.

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Do you know the Melina ball?

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They put it up for charity, it's run by Melina Jewelers.

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And first of all, he was like you know, you can't wear a $100 cachet dress.

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You have to wear a dress from Nordstrom.

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First of all, I love cachet, so screw that Insulting my mentality I was thinking at the time, at 22, oh, I wasn't even going to spend $100.

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Forever 21 and buy a $20 dress.

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But so he sets all these Nordstrom designer dresses at Nordstrom for me to try on and they were all just hideous, not my cup of tea.

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So I find one on the sale rack that was like a quarter of the price, wear it to the ball and get so many compliments on it, which proves you don't really have to spend a lot of money to look good.

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But meet him and he's probably in his eighties, like probably one of the older guys that I've ever gone on a date with, and he's talking about how he wants to go on a second date and pursue me and his best friend who was there, who was also 80, I went to the loo and she says to him why do you want to date this girl?

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She wants kids, she wants to get married.

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And he's like I can get married, I can have kids.

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But then I became good friends with her and she said to me the best advice I can give you, being single in Scottsdale, is marry twice.

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The first time you marry, marry solely for money, leave that marriage.

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Second time you marry, marry for love.

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That was her, her words of advice, which leads me to the next topic.

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You were saying that you have the financial freedom to date, a starving artist or a billionaire, and you have dated.

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Talk about the differences between between the two yeah, I mean honestly I.

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I also think that this is a like a perk of dating in your 40s right, where you're not necessarily dating someone for the access or the opportunity and you're not dating somebody for stability.

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You're really dating somebody for connection.

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So I have really connected with men across the board.

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Really, you know, I've dated an artist who was incredible, incredibly, you know, passionate and talented, but an artist.

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What kind of art?

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What kind of art?

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Oh, painting, Like he was okay yeah.

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He was a painter Incredible.

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Did he ever paint you?

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Ever paint you?

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No, Titanic style naked, just right next to us.

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I want to be painted?

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I've never painted, you did an artist, yeah, and I'm like that would be so cute.

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Now I feel a little bit cheated, right.

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Right, you should have been his like muse, like he should, you know, like I.

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That's true, yeah, that's true.

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But I think that everything in an artist's world is art, and that is the part that I love.

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It's like every restaurant is so, you know, intentional, and every conversation there's so much depth and like philosophical substance to an artist because there's a reason they're a creator, you know, and that creative mind is just really inspiring for me.

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So there's definitely different ways to date, you know, maybe we go out to dinner and I kind of yield to whatever they order to make sure I'm not going crazy and putting them in a situation that makes them uncomfortable.

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But also Like overstepping your masculine energy, sort of.

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Since you're higher, maybe financially are doing better.

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In that way, you want them to feel like you need them too.

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Yeah Right.

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And I love it when the men pick the date anyway, you know, and pick the restaurant and curate the experience because there's something you know, just caring about that.

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And.

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I love that intentionality and you know, and that thought process that goes into it.

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And so if they choose a hole in the wall you know pizza place which actually one of the best dates I've ever been on was a hole-in-the-wall pizza place in LA like to me that that doesn't matter.

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I can have a eight-course meal at the finest restaurant you know in the bay area or whatever, and I'm still gonna either have a great date or a horrible date based on your capacity to have a.

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It's true, it's all about the company.

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They came out with an article that was like places not to go on a first date, and it was like chilies.

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And apple margaritas, by the way, I think.

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I think like Olive Garden, but I had issues with those.

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Like I don't really care where I'm at, as long as you have good company, right.

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I mean for me, when the whole thing came out about the Applebee's and I'm like let's go to Applebee's actually Two for 20, like slaps, sometimes like some chicken chicken fingers and like a burger.

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Take me to like a taco truck at two in the morning.

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Like you have my heart.

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To me again it's.

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I think men overthink this sometimes and I think sometimes, even as women, we overcomplicate it with our you know, expectations.

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If we just say, you know, this is what I love and you know this is what I love about you, I want to spend time with you.

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I want to spend time with you, I want to connect with you, then maybe we're not picking some place that has super loud music or you know you want to go out and dance, then that's what you're picking, or I.

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You can curate so many different types of experiences.

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But honestly, I want to go out and feel something.

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Yeah, you know, and that doesn't necessarily have to mean jumping on a jet and going out to the Caribbean, which that that can happen too, right.

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But also finding and taking me to this really cool place that I've never heard of somewhere in the city that you just wanted to share with me, is genuinely equally as special.

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Yeah, Would you say that men with money are typically a little bit more controlling?

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For sure.

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So for me, like I've gone on a couple of dates with, like the Melina guy, he was like if we're going to start dating, you're going to have to quit your job because I want you to be available for breakfast, lunch, happy hour, whenever I need you.

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And then that Rob Mion guy from Millionaire.

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Matchmaker.

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So he flew out and called me spontaneously and was like hey, I'm in town to see you, come meet me for lunch.

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And I was like, oh, at work.

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He's like, yeah, this work thing's not going to work out.

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If you're, if we're going to be together, you have to quit your job.

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So I've had that same.

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I've had that same statement, even where it's like wait a minute, I did not just burn my whole life down and start a whole new business, just for me to throw it out the window to make myself more available to you.

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That's not only disempowering but that's dangerous to my safety.

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You know in my livelihood, yeah, and also, like I like my job and you live.

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From what I know about you, yeah, you love your job too.

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So it's like if you love what you do like, then it's a choice between like, okay, so then I either get to do what I do, which I love, or be with you, right, and I don't know if I'm going to love you.

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Yet you know that gives me anxiety, thinking of being reliant upon a man for everything, you know, like I would.

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I feel I would feel bad.

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So every time I would spend money, I'd feel like I'd have to ask him, you know, and I would never want to be in that position.

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I like, if I want something, I like to know I can buy it and don't have to ask anyone's permission.

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And I've been in that position.

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You know I was married for 13 years and he did control all of my finances and I allowed him to.

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In fact, when we got married, it was almost like, oh my gosh, I got to take a big old nap from having to deal with those realities.

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Right, I was a single mom when I met him and in a lot of ways, it gave me the break that I needed.

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But I can see where so much of my 30s wasn't spent learning how to be autonomous.

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So much of my 30s was spent learning how to take care of others and not take care of myself and not find my own, you know, voice and independence and stability, and so a big part of my coming into this new chapter was you know, I've got to figure this out on my own.

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I walked away without a safety net and those situations that I put myself in.

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You know I've learned so many important lessons with that.

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It's that.

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You know, as women, we desire to nurture and care for others, but oftentimes at our own expense, and that's just not something that I'm willing to do anymore.

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And some men really understand that when they know that you know you're building something and they know.

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You know they want to respect that, but I think that then they don't know where they stand in priority and how much space you have.

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And.

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I think that's the delicate balance.

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It's like they want to know that there are priorities, so that you'll take time off and you can go to breakfast or lunch with them, but maybe not so much that you're now having to sacrifice your stability and safety for it.

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Yeah, how long have you been?

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divorced Two years.

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Two years, yeah, tell us about that.

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Are you open to sharing your divorce story?

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Yeah, yeah, so I was diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago and I think a lot of my journey through treatment really just exacerbated a lot of what was not working in my relationship.

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My ex-husband's not a horrible human.

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We just didn't have a lot of depth to our connection.

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And when I was exploring the depth of my soul through this whole experience going through treatment, a lot of my relationships fell off.

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You know, I learned that a lot of my friendships, even a lot of my work relationships, relationships just didn't have that depth and substance that I needed desperately and and you know, people can only meet you where they've met themselves.

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So, as much as I could invite my ex-husband to join me in the journey, while I was figuring out what that even meant, I mean, in the beginning of this whole awakening, right after my diagnosis, I had no language around what was happening to me.

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I just knew I was so incredibly unfulfilled and seeking and searching for happiness and joy and a reason to want to live genuinely.

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And that sounds so, you know, morbid.

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It does, but it's true because it's not even just about cancer.

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I feel like I probably would have woken up anyway, but it, but cancer forces you to look at it right away Like you just can't avoid it, um but it.

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And then you become so extra conscious of your energy.

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And where are you spending your energy?

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Where are you getting it from and really where is it getting depleted?

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And I learned more and more and more how much of my energy I was giving to my family, to my husband, to my relationships.

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But I didn't have any of that or I wasn't receiving that back.

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So you know, that whole year going through treatment really woke up, you know, woke me up to that.

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So did you end it with him.

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Was Was he.

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How did he take that?

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It was a shock.

00:16:05.013 --> 00:16:12.767
Yeah, I think it was a big shock and you know, I'd been asking for counseling for a couple of years and so I knew something wasn't right.

00:16:12.767 --> 00:16:14.811
But uh, it was really.

00:16:14.811 --> 00:16:23.467
I think that I think that we both thought that it was uh gonna, that was just short lived, that it was a phase, you know, and that I'd get over it or I'd get through it.

00:16:23.668 --> 00:16:31.904
And I was actually on a work trip, um, and I was in a hotel room and I remember just thinking I hadn't seen my ex-husband for two weeks.

00:16:31.904 --> 00:16:38.663
We'd been out of town, you know, switching places, and I thought I haven't even missed him and he hasn't missed me.

00:16:38.663 --> 00:16:54.840
We've hardly talked, and so it has nothing to do with me not loving him, it was just we weren't connected energetically anymore, and so I started the conversation before I went home, because I was afraid that I wouldn't have the conversation if I just went home and I would just keep doing what we had been doing.

00:16:54.899 --> 00:16:58.269
Get back into a routine and it would just comfort Cycle again.

00:16:58.269 --> 00:16:58.932
Yeah.

00:16:59.400 --> 00:17:00.726
And I just said this isn't right.

00:17:00.726 --> 00:17:02.562
And I asked him do you miss me?

00:17:02.562 --> 00:17:04.005
And I said that's not a loaded question.

00:17:04.005 --> 00:17:09.133
I know it sounds loaded, but it's not because I haven't missed you and not even because I'm not mad at you.

00:17:09.133 --> 00:17:10.315
You know, I'm not mad at you.

00:17:10.315 --> 00:17:12.969
I don't have any bad feelings towards you.

00:17:12.969 --> 00:17:16.200
I just this just doesn't feel right for me anymore.

00:17:16.380 --> 00:17:22.979
So do you think that after everything you've gone world a little differently and have a different perspective on things?

00:17:23.210 --> 00:17:26.901
For sure, I mean, I look at every relationship differently too, and I think of alignment.

00:17:26.901 --> 00:17:40.713
I go back to, you know, the beginning, parts of where I started to feel unfulfilled and I started to think about all the avoidant behaviors that I was doing and ways that I was just recklessly moving about life, just distracting myself from what I didn't want to see.

00:17:40.713 --> 00:17:57.191
I painted this perfect picture, and the problem was is that I had to be perfect to fit in it, right, and so I just didn't want any of that anymore, and now I just I really love the connections that I have, you know, like even when we connected just over, you know coffee one morning.

00:17:57.211 --> 00:18:01.801
Yeah, you just know when you connect with somebody, yeah, and so for me, that's it.

00:18:01.801 --> 00:18:08.192
My connections with people have nothing to do with how long I've known them or even how well it's like.

00:18:08.192 --> 00:18:11.917
It's alignment, it's connection, it's what are you doing and how can I support you?

00:18:11.917 --> 00:18:13.796
What am I doing and how can we work together?

00:18:13.796 --> 00:18:15.299
You know, that's the stuff.

00:18:15.299 --> 00:18:18.339
It's just shifted my life in every way around that.

00:18:18.339 --> 00:18:18.991
So are you?

00:18:19.031 --> 00:18:19.713
currently dating.

00:18:19.713 --> 00:18:21.750
I am Ooh, how do you find these guys?

00:18:21.750 --> 00:18:22.510
How do you find these guys?

00:18:22.510 --> 00:18:23.692
Because you said you're not on the apps.

00:18:23.692 --> 00:18:25.012
Right, I'm not on the apps.

00:18:25.113 --> 00:18:27.634
I feel like I'm such an energy person as I'm talking about.

00:18:27.634 --> 00:18:33.641
I got on an app once and it just didn't resonate with me.

00:18:33.641 --> 00:18:38.224
I felt like it was too flat, and so I just meet people out.

00:18:38.224 --> 00:18:41.007
I go out a lot on my own and I date myself.

00:18:41.007 --> 00:18:49.234
So I really take myself to jazz on Thursday or Friday nights.

00:18:49.234 --> 00:18:50.558
I take myself to coffee every day, you know, I go on hikes.

00:18:50.558 --> 00:18:53.230
I I meet people out and about doing the things that I love.

00:18:53.230 --> 00:18:58.222
I've meet people at yoga, I've met people at coffee shops, I've met people at happy hour.

00:18:58.222 --> 00:18:59.695
I've met people at restaurants.

00:18:59.695 --> 00:19:08.762
So and the greatest part about that is that I also eliminate all of the bad date stories, because I really only end up on a date with somebody if I've had a connection with them.

00:19:09.150 --> 00:19:10.614
And then now I kind of want to know more.

00:19:10.614 --> 00:19:13.461
You know, or want to feel into that.

00:19:13.690 --> 00:19:17.902
So you don't have any disaster date stories or catfish stories or worst date stories.

00:19:18.510 --> 00:19:22.121
No, no, but I have a really great date story.

00:19:22.121 --> 00:19:29.894
I love an adventure so much and so a lot of times I'll leave my house and I just like follow green lights and see where it takes me.

00:19:29.894 --> 00:19:30.675
That's fun.

00:19:30.695 --> 00:19:31.538
Follow green lights.

00:19:31.538 --> 00:19:34.916
I like that, I love that.

00:19:34.936 --> 00:19:39.796
That's cool, it's the best If you just know you want to get out and you don't know where to go, you just on foot.

00:19:39.796 --> 00:19:41.557
My favorite is I bike everywhere.

00:19:41.557 --> 00:19:43.271
I have my grandpa's old is.

00:19:43.271 --> 00:19:43.852
I bike everywhere.

00:19:43.852 --> 00:19:46.915
I have my grandpa's old like 1977 Kermit Green, schwinn, suburban.

00:19:47.056 --> 00:19:49.377
Oh, cute and I ride this bicycle everywhere.

00:19:49.377 --> 00:19:49.878
I can see you.

00:19:49.878 --> 00:19:52.761
I have this picture in my head right now, I can, so see it.

00:19:52.781 --> 00:20:06.853
That's hilarious, it's my favorite and it just brings me so much joy to get on it, and so I'll go out and just adventure.

00:20:06.853 --> 00:20:07.876
Well, one time I was far away from home adventuring.

00:20:07.876 --> 00:20:09.884
I was speaking at a women's retreat in Curacao and I had to make my way to a conference in Miami.

00:20:09.884 --> 00:20:12.913
But I booked my flight, so last minute I had to stop in Panama City for like 12 hours.

00:20:12.913 --> 00:20:27.030
I'm hitting it off with this guy on the flight with me from Curacao to Panama City and turns out he had like a 15 hour layover in Panama City and so he's like we should go and adventure the city together.

00:20:27.511 --> 00:20:29.134
Yes, we should.

00:20:29.134 --> 00:20:31.097
He lives in Amsterdam.

00:20:31.097 --> 00:20:44.778
He's like a psychologist and a philosopher and we and he speaks Spanish, which was amazing, and he'd been to Panama City once, but just long enough to to know where not to go and to know where he didn't get to go.

00:20:44.778 --> 00:20:48.865
So we went straight to the best places in Panama City.

00:20:48.865 --> 00:21:23.434
We spent all day together and it was just one of those like damn, I wish you didn't live around the world, but it was so magical, from the bougie rooftop spots overlooking the Panama Canal to like little hole in the wall, like traditional you you know Panama meal I can't remember what it's called, but it was amazing like that was probably the best date and that's like if I could have that for the rest of my life, you know where we can just get up and go and explore whether it's Phoenix following green lights or you know a new city, so you need someone spontaneous.

00:21:23.777 --> 00:21:35.089
Yeah, yeah, I love those unexpected moments where you don't think anything's gonna happen and then, all of a sudden, they're the best and they always seem to happen when you're traveling too, like I have so many similar stories.

00:21:35.089 --> 00:21:41.462
Yeah, like when traveling we travel alone a lot too right, I need to be more like that at home.

00:21:41.542 --> 00:21:49.039
I need to start treating home like I treat vacation, because when I travel, I like I have a very, very similar story.

00:21:49.039 --> 00:21:52.431
I'm not going to tell it, but it's almost almost exactly the same.

00:21:52.431 --> 00:21:55.417
Mine was in Belize with a Serbian.

00:21:55.898 --> 00:21:59.773
It wasn't a date, it wasn't romantic at all, but very similar story.

00:21:59.773 --> 00:22:08.275
Like we just like we vibed as friends decided to rent a golf cart one day and, just like, explore the island we were on, we found a hidden beach.

00:22:08.275 --> 00:22:13.356
Like, broke the key off in the ignition of the golf cart, had to find someone to come.

00:22:13.356 --> 00:22:15.963
You know, yeah, start it back up again.

00:22:15.963 --> 00:22:19.252
Um, but like, so it's just like I need to.

00:22:19.252 --> 00:22:20.275
I need to be more like you.

00:22:20.315 --> 00:22:28.998
I need to start treating my day-to-day life yeah, like I treat my vacation just like I do so Sunday when I don't, because I'm seven on, seven off with my kids.

00:22:29.398 --> 00:22:35.145
And honestly, for the first time in my adult life because I had my oldest so young I have a whole week to myself.

00:22:35.145 --> 00:22:37.231
So I spend that Sunday.

00:22:37.231 --> 00:22:38.634
It's like my church.

00:22:38.634 --> 00:22:59.074
I take myself meditating in the morning, I go on a walk, I go, I hike every morning, but I, I do it more aimlessly on my Sundays, you know, and just wander and then you just see, you know, you get sparked of ideas of I'm gonna try out this new restaurant or maybe the same one but in a different way, or you know, it just like makes you feel alive.

00:22:59.474 --> 00:23:04.945
Yeah, you know, yeah, so do you have any unique talents or unique facts?

00:23:05.788 --> 00:23:06.750
you want to share with everyone.

00:23:06.750 --> 00:23:15.829
Yeah, I mean I feel like you know my, my unique fact gosh, I think it really is in my wandering.

00:23:15.829 --> 00:23:22.194
I mean there's so much I think that a lot of people just aren't willing to be that free you must intimidate a lot of men, I mean.

00:23:22.194 --> 00:23:27.404
I'm not trying to date you and you intimidate me Because you're just so strong and confident.

00:23:28.530 --> 00:23:49.635
I think you know I am so free and I think that that's the biggest you know quality about this life that I've created for myself Post-divorce, post-cancer, post-starting a new business it's that I really want to own my own time and my own energy, and so with that, I think that that does create.

00:23:49.635 --> 00:24:14.559
It's like I've often left for coffee and I say often because now it's happened so many times where I left for coffee and I came back two or three days later, you know, and and then I just had the most incredible experience, most amazing people, all the things, and I think that that can be really intimidating to men you know, that that level of freedom you know and that my choice to spend time with you is that it's a choice.

00:24:14.619 --> 00:24:18.231
It's a choice Because that's the thing Like you can always make more money right?

00:24:18.231 --> 00:24:20.234
Money comes around, money goes, money comes.

00:24:20.234 --> 00:24:21.175
Money goes, money comes.

00:24:21.175 --> 00:24:24.098
But like time and energy, like you can't get that back.

00:24:24.098 --> 00:24:27.222
Like once your time is spent, your time is spent.

00:24:27.222 --> 00:24:29.625
So it's like how do you want to spend your time?

00:24:33.950 --> 00:24:34.471
And I think it's a mirror.

00:24:34.471 --> 00:24:47.440
You know there's, so I could definitely we talked about the 26 year olds earlier, but I can definitely categorically put almost phases of different men that I've attracted at different stages of the over the last couple of years, and to me it's been such a mirror like oh, how am I representing?

00:24:47.460 --> 00:24:56.960
this energy, Like why am I pulling in the same kind of guy for sure at one after another, after another, like what's going on for sure?

00:24:57.320 --> 00:24:58.163
Or even signs.

00:24:58.163 --> 00:25:12.212
I mean I, I, I dated like seven different Pisces in a row and I'm like, okay, the universe is trying to connect me with the Pisces part of my chart or something not to get too woo-woo about it, but it really was like there's something to this.

00:25:12.212 --> 00:25:13.957
Did they just try to drip out your fire?

00:25:13.957 --> 00:25:15.842
Well, I have a Pisces moon.

00:25:16.230 --> 00:25:16.590
Okay.

00:25:16.611 --> 00:25:36.277
So I'm like I wonder if I'm needing to connect with my feelings, and there was a piece of that with the softening, when you're talking about intimidating and I think, because I came out the gate of my marriage so and I'm going to call it controlled but I'm going to say I gave away all my power in my relationship because I didn't have any autonomy and I didn't create any autonomy for myself.

00:25:36.277 --> 00:25:43.759
So when I first got out the gate, it was all about taking my power back, it was walking into my power, it was finding my independence, it was was being on my own.

00:25:43.759 --> 00:25:48.494
That was like a fierceness, it was like Hulk with his pants off, you know.

00:25:48.494 --> 00:25:54.752
But a piece of me now is like, actually I don't want that anymore.

00:25:54.752 --> 00:25:56.919
I've come into my own now.

00:25:56.919 --> 00:25:59.929
It's about a softening, you know, and a surrendering.

00:25:59.929 --> 00:26:12.041
So if there was one thing, that that wave of Pisces, men, energy which they were all really strong men too gave me a space to chill, yeah, do you guys really believe in the whole star signs like?

00:26:12.102 --> 00:26:15.744
I know some people that are like I will not date a Taurus, I will only date a Leo.

00:26:15.744 --> 00:26:17.352
Do you guys really believe in all that?

00:26:18.013 --> 00:26:18.095
I.

00:26:18.095 --> 00:26:23.772
I know I mean I feel like you can connect with a lot of different people, but maybe compatibility I could bet.

00:26:24.094 --> 00:26:24.654
I don't know.

00:26:24.654 --> 00:26:29.311
I'm interested in it because I find that there are a lot of like.

00:26:29.311 --> 00:26:43.136
There are a lot of characteristics that are generalizations between the signs, like like I'm a Virgo and there are so many Virgo qualities that that I am.

00:26:43.136 --> 00:26:45.059
And so it's like totally.

00:26:45.442 --> 00:26:47.894
I don't know's like, I don't know, I don't know much about it.

00:26:47.894 --> 00:26:52.309
I don't know shit about fuck, but it just seems kind of crazy to date based on the stars or the planets.

00:26:52.471 --> 00:26:53.576
I don't date based on it.

00:26:53.576 --> 00:27:00.556
I don't ever say like oh, you're a something or other, like I won't date you, but I do I also.

00:27:00.556 --> 00:27:10.230
I find myself like drawn to certain things signs like I don't know that I've ever dated like a Sagittarius oh, I was married to one like were you?

00:27:10.230 --> 00:27:11.094
That's funny.

00:27:11.094 --> 00:27:11.856
That's funny.

00:27:11.856 --> 00:27:23.792
Yeah, I find that that guys that I date are either Taurus or their fellow Virgos, gemini's, gemini's, gemini's never work out in my face we're a little wild.

00:27:23.792 --> 00:27:24.913
Are you a Gemini's?

00:27:24.913 --> 00:27:26.454
Never work out in my favor.

00:27:27.336 --> 00:27:28.876
Unfortunately, we're a little wild.

00:27:30.077 --> 00:27:30.698
Are you a Gemini?

00:27:30.698 --> 00:27:31.519
I'm a Gemini.

00:27:31.659 --> 00:27:31.939
Yes.

00:27:32.159 --> 00:27:38.544
I love Gemini women, but Gemini men I love them, but they're toxic man.

00:27:38.683 --> 00:27:42.767
They can't be Well and it does again back to the compatibility.

00:27:50.829 --> 00:27:54.284
You know, I had an astronomer tell me once that my best sign to date is a Capricorn, because they're stable and they're like solid and they want to care for somebody.

00:27:54.304 --> 00:28:00.859
Yeah, they're really organized, so it gives me a lot of space to exist in my more whimsical, you know self, but I've only dated one.

00:28:01.000 --> 00:28:01.500
Capricorn.

00:28:01.500 --> 00:28:09.844
I've I've kind of dated a Capricorn as well and they're very analytical and I'm very analytical and so we were too similar.

00:28:09.844 --> 00:28:11.815
Okay, I'm too similar to Capricorns.

00:28:11.815 --> 00:28:14.917
I think to date a Capricorn, my mom's a Capricorn, I'm pretty sure oh.

00:28:14.917 --> 00:28:16.184
I love that yeah.

00:28:16.226 --> 00:28:16.728
Yeah.

00:28:17.130 --> 00:28:25.400
So I think Capricorn women I could again I can do Capricorn women and Cancer and Gemini women, but not I can't date I can't date a Capricorn.

00:28:25.440 --> 00:28:26.701
So are you looking to get married?

00:28:26.701 --> 00:28:28.323
Are you looking for a serious relationship?

00:28:28.864 --> 00:28:29.944
I'm looking for?

00:28:29.944 --> 00:28:31.426
What am I looking for?

00:28:31.426 --> 00:28:33.136
I'm not looking necessarily to get married.

00:28:33.136 --> 00:28:36.936
You know I've already lived that chapter but I'm not opposed to it either.

00:28:36.936 --> 00:28:40.098
So it's hard to say, you know, yes or no.

00:28:40.098 --> 00:28:42.898
That's what makes me second guess even saying yes or no to that.

00:28:42.898 --> 00:28:47.439
I've lived the chapter where I was married and I had little kids and we had that.

00:28:47.439 --> 00:28:48.701
You know that world.

00:28:48.701 --> 00:28:53.558
I would love a commitment and real alignment where we're part of building something together.

00:28:53.558 --> 00:29:05.640
You know, so much of what I'm doing right now is so purpose-driven and and passionate and emotionally connected that I would love like a strong companion with me in that build.

00:29:05.721 --> 00:29:09.478
Like a partner, like a partnership, life partner, maybe not necessarily.

00:29:09.478 --> 00:29:17.282
The wedding yeah, exactly Because I assume that your wedding was like the wedding of your dreams.

00:29:17.651 --> 00:29:19.276
I got married at my engagement party, did you?

00:29:19.297 --> 00:29:22.442
Oh, you did, so you surprised everyone Surprise surprise.

00:29:23.030 --> 00:29:24.741
Everybody thought for sure, I was pregnant.

00:29:24.741 --> 00:29:25.445
I wasn't.

00:29:25.465 --> 00:29:26.029
That's hilarious.

00:29:26.590 --> 00:29:32.001
But I was an event planner for a long time, and so the thought of planning a wedding just gave me hives.

00:29:32.021 --> 00:29:32.703
Oh my God, right yeah.

00:29:32.970 --> 00:29:35.932
I just was like I didn't have a flower, I didn't have a.

00:29:35.932 --> 00:29:37.770
It was like no Color scheme.

00:29:37.811 --> 00:29:39.638
like you didn't want to do all that Right, that's funny.

00:29:39.638 --> 00:29:40.855
Where was your engagement party?

00:29:40.855 --> 00:29:44.393
Was it like a destination?

00:29:44.432 --> 00:29:45.733
It was a golf, oh wow.

00:29:45.733 --> 00:29:48.496
That's funny, yeah.

00:29:48.496 --> 00:30:00.084
Like two weeks before the engagement party I reached out to my sister-in-law who was planning it for me and we were in the parking lot of like the 18th wedding venue and I was like he's like we should just get married at our engagement party.

00:30:00.084 --> 00:30:02.365
I'm like done, yeah, and he's like wait, really.

00:30:02.365 --> 00:30:04.207
Like yes, 100%.

00:30:04.207 --> 00:30:05.188
I bet he was happy about that.

00:30:05.289 --> 00:30:07.736
It was amazing, my mom found a dress.

00:30:08.557 --> 00:30:10.642
Yeah, but it was to me, so that's it.

00:30:10.642 --> 00:30:13.935
It's like I love that, the realness of it.

00:30:13.935 --> 00:30:30.984
So if there were another situation where the next chapter of my life means that I'm married or committed or with somebody you know in that, in that traditional sense, like I'm open to that, but it's really way more spiritual that I'm looking for, yeah, I feel like a lot of things, a lot of your rules, can fly out the window if you meet the right person.

00:30:31.026 --> 00:30:44.001
100%, you say you have this list like I need this this this this I have a friend who she had this list on her phone and it was like 26 things long and he needed to live in the neighborhood.

00:30:44.001 --> 00:30:45.833
He needed to live within a 10 mile radius.

00:30:45.833 --> 00:30:47.135
He needed to own his own home.

00:30:47.135 --> 00:30:50.404
She's married to a 26 year old Panamanian now oh fun.

00:30:51.267 --> 00:30:52.269
Completely different.

00:30:52.269 --> 00:30:53.898
Doesn't check any of the boxes.

00:30:53.898 --> 00:30:54.945
I love it, my favorite.

00:30:55.650 --> 00:30:57.096
Well, he checks some of the boxes.

00:30:57.096 --> 00:31:03.560
Just the important ones, the most important ones, exactly, I mean I have had girlfriends do that too.

00:31:03.661 --> 00:31:06.355
And then I'm like how many of those qualities do you?

00:31:06.355 --> 00:31:12.152
Have my dear you know like we've got to be what we want to call in exactly, but there is.

00:31:12.313 --> 00:31:14.778
I mean a level of like depth and purpose.

00:31:14.778 --> 00:31:21.118
I'm definitely attracted to men that know their purpose and know like an impact that they want to make.

00:31:21.118 --> 00:31:38.924
And on the other side of options and I say on the other side of options meaning like you've lived the fast life, you've done the things you've, you've like driven that egocentric life, which there's nothing wrong with that, because, especially for men, I think there is a level of achieving that they need for their to fuel their masculinity.

00:31:38.924 --> 00:31:44.650
But for me, like on the other side of that, let's like how are we giving back, how are we serving, how are we connecting?

00:31:45.490 --> 00:31:52.862
that's yeah well and you never want to like get together with someone who eventually decides that they regret not living the fast life.

00:31:53.022 --> 00:31:53.262
Right.

00:31:53.282 --> 00:31:54.525
Yeah, Like, and then, and then.

00:31:54.525 --> 00:31:57.978
That's cause, that's where the midlife crisis comes, and they're like oh man.

00:31:58.057 --> 00:32:00.872
I need to, I need to buy, I need to buy the sports car.

00:32:00.932 --> 00:32:04.338
I need to, you know, bang the young bottle service girls.

00:32:04.338 --> 00:32:10.329
I need to go do all this and it's like, bro, you're like, let's get a handle on ourselves here.

00:32:10.430 --> 00:32:11.997
I mean genuinely I was guilty of that.

00:32:11.997 --> 00:32:14.117
I got divorced and I bought a 650 convertible.

00:32:14.117 --> 00:32:22.124
I was like my ex-husband I pull up to the school and my ex-husband's like tell me you're a 40-year-old divorcee without telling me you're a 40-year-old divorcee.

00:32:33.869 --> 00:32:35.073
I'm like careful, I just bought my first pair of Averse ones.

00:32:35.073 --> 00:32:35.714
That's funny, that's hilarious.

00:32:35.714 --> 00:32:36.916
We all kind of deal with that differently, I guess.

00:32:36.938 --> 00:32:38.622
Well, it's time for your favorite minute minute of the moment.

00:32:38.642 --> 00:32:39.083
They keep more minute.

00:32:39.083 --> 00:32:41.930
Okay, um, it's brought to you, sponsored by tactical tax strategies.

00:32:41.930 --> 00:32:45.955
They keep more money in your pocket, we keep more in your relationship.

00:32:45.955 --> 00:32:47.979
So dropping, dropping my card.

00:32:47.979 --> 00:32:50.823
We have a listener question.

00:32:50.823 --> 00:32:52.326
Oh, okay, jack, and Surprise.

00:32:52.326 --> 00:32:57.901
He wants to know how to keep his new romantic relationship romantic.

00:32:57.901 --> 00:33:04.916
He says he doesn't have a romantic bone in his body and his new lady made a comment on the first date that she loves romantic guys.

00:33:04.916 --> 00:33:07.939
What romantic gestures can he do that aren't too much?

00:33:09.454 --> 00:33:14.153
I think first of all, study your woman like she is your job.

00:33:14.153 --> 00:33:16.838
Yes, because you'll learn what she loves.

00:33:16.838 --> 00:33:26.013
Also, here's the trick to romance and I only learned this when I learned that I was a romantic, and I didn't know that I was a romantic until last year.

00:33:26.013 --> 00:33:31.471
And romance to me is when you're appealing to as many of your senses at the same time.

00:33:31.471 --> 00:33:42.099
So when you see something beautiful and you're smelling something beautiful, tasting something beautiful, touching and feeling in like a beautiful fabric, all of those things, that's like you're invigorating all your senses.

00:33:42.099 --> 00:33:46.070
So anytime you can appeal to all of them at the same time, absolutely.

00:33:46.653 --> 00:33:47.134
And listen.

00:33:47.134 --> 00:33:50.270
If she talks about, about, you know she likes a certain type of chocolate.

00:33:50.270 --> 00:33:52.175
When you're next at the store, buy that chocolate.

00:33:52.175 --> 00:33:54.181
Or, you know, listen, pay attention.

00:33:54.181 --> 00:34:01.314
If she says this is her favorite movie, maybe plan a date night at home watching that movie you know, little, it's the little things, or leaving notes.

00:34:01.314 --> 00:34:06.173
I'm a big fan of notes, like if you leave before she wakes up, leave a little note for her in the morning.

00:34:06.213 --> 00:34:07.355
So she sees it when she wakes up.

00:34:07.355 --> 00:34:08.177
Does Aaron do that?

00:34:08.177 --> 00:34:08.918
Does Aaron leave?

00:34:09.079 --> 00:34:10.101
you notes, he does.

00:34:10.362 --> 00:34:11.284
That is so sweet.

00:34:11.284 --> 00:34:16.400
It's little things like that, something as simple as a tiny little note, totally and taking initiative.

00:34:16.710 --> 00:34:17.413
Taking initiative.

00:34:17.432 --> 00:34:17.853
Yes, you know.

00:34:17.994 --> 00:34:22.818
I mean Innocent, yeah, planning a date, you know, totally, totally.

00:34:22.818 --> 00:34:31.532
I mean I feel like that's dating myself.

00:34:31.532 --> 00:34:36.733
It was taking myself out to Wrigley Mansion for jazz nights, you know, the sunset was beautiful and wine was delicious and the music was amazing and all those things and that can be a really beautiful date night.

00:34:36.733 --> 00:34:46.952
But also you get the same, you invigorate all the same senses, walking down the beach, listening to the waves and smelling, you know, the, the salt in the air and holding each other's hand.

00:34:46.952 --> 00:34:50.931
You know those things like they matter, they do you're just intentional.

00:34:51.251 --> 00:34:57.550
Yeah, good luck jack, you got this, you got this, so now we are going to talk about this article.

00:34:57.550 --> 00:35:01.458
So I read this article and I had a few bones to pick with it.

00:35:01.858 --> 00:35:09.458
Oh, so it was from the gentleman's journal, things you probably shouldn't do on a first date, and I'll go through these pretty quick.

00:35:09.458 --> 00:35:10.440
We can discuss each one.

00:35:10.440 --> 00:35:12.684
The first one is talk politics.

00:35:12.684 --> 00:35:14.288
Which why not?

00:35:14.288 --> 00:35:18.235
Because if you're a trumper, you are not going to get on with a hardcore lib.

00:35:18.235 --> 00:35:18.876
Vice versa.

00:35:18.876 --> 00:35:20.981
My sister is very liberal.

00:35:20.981 --> 00:35:24.878
She would never in hell be in a relationship with a trumper.

00:35:24.878 --> 00:35:27.331
So why not get it out on the first date, so you don't waste your time?

00:35:27.331 --> 00:35:28.695
What do you amen, right?

00:35:28.894 --> 00:35:32.143
amen, yeah, so why not alignment?

00:35:32.143 --> 00:35:32.523
Yeah?

00:35:32.543 --> 00:35:33.606
exactly what you value.

00:35:33.686 --> 00:35:37.976
If your values are not fundamentally aligned, you will have problems.

00:35:37.976 --> 00:35:39.699
You will no matter how great you get along.

00:35:39.719 --> 00:35:42.155
Yeah like so why even go on a date if your?

00:35:42.275 --> 00:35:43.179
values don't align.

00:35:43.599 --> 00:35:47.313
I mean my sister could never, ever ever bring a hardcore trumpet to a family dinner.

00:35:47.313 --> 00:35:49.420
It would would not go well.

00:35:49.581 --> 00:35:58.400
Right, I'm not political at all, so I tend to not talk politics, but it's not because I feel like you shouldn't.

00:35:58.400 --> 00:36:02.867
I feel like it's not something that I'm interested in, so I tend to not talk about it.

00:36:03.210 --> 00:36:06.195
I'm definitely a disruptor, I'm an advocate in so many ways.

00:36:06.315 --> 00:36:07.599
Oh I like you.

00:36:08.460 --> 00:36:14.175
It's true, they've got to be on or we are not gonna get along.

00:36:14.175 --> 00:36:16.583
So the next one is don't drink too much, no shit show up.

00:36:16.623 --> 00:36:20.137
It's probably not good to get shit faced on the first day been there, done that as well.

00:36:20.157 --> 00:36:21.599
I was single for 12 years.

00:36:21.599 --> 00:36:24.853
Didn't go well for me.

00:36:24.992 --> 00:36:27.295
I'm english, but you know, I've had that happen with me.

00:36:27.396 --> 00:36:39.275
When they got wasted, I'm like actually I really liked you, but now I have to like take care of you and not in a nurturing, sweet way, but in a you're annoying and obnoxious.

00:36:39.315 --> 00:36:40.458
Yeah, no, and that's.

00:36:40.458 --> 00:36:42.911
That's what happened to me with my ex, the.

00:36:42.911 --> 00:36:45.059
That was my one thing after our first date.

00:36:45.059 --> 00:36:59.512
I was like he got way too wasted and the friend that had set us up was like he was just nervous a chance, like I'm sure it was just like his nerves, like he was nervous to meet you, blah, blah, blah, cause we had all went out together that day like for a Sunday fun day.

00:36:59.512 --> 00:37:02.981
And then you know they're spending four years with the guy.

00:37:02.981 --> 00:37:12.005
It's like we break up cause he's an alcoholic and a drug addict and so it's like should have listened to my gut on the first date because it was so unattractive to me on the first date.

00:37:12.005 --> 00:37:18.599
And it's like I let this friend who we were out with that day you know, like no, no, no, he's a great guy.

00:37:18.599 --> 00:37:18.960
Blah, blah, blah.

00:37:20.739 --> 00:37:23.094
And it's just like lesson learned, even if they're nervous.

00:37:23.094 --> 00:37:33.219
Talk about energetic matches and we were talking about intimidation earlier, the way that I intimidate some men just as a filter, like they have to be an energetic match and if they're an energetic match.

00:37:33.219 --> 00:37:36.635
Maybe they're like little butterflies, but honestly it should be.

00:37:36.635 --> 00:37:39.342
Yeah, it should flow, yeah yeah.

00:37:39.503 --> 00:37:42.177
So the next one is talk about how many people you've slept with.

00:37:42.177 --> 00:37:43.643
Like why would you do that?

00:37:43.903 --> 00:37:47.193
like that's also do people care like, do people ask that anymore?

00:37:47.193 --> 00:37:48.878
I've never been asked that on a date.

00:37:48.878 --> 00:37:49.217
No, I've never.

00:37:49.237 --> 00:38:04.797
But I get asked like weird things in roundabout, like not numbers but more like they're testing the level of like hoeyness, yes, like how hoey, the level of hoeyness, like how much of a hoe, Like they're trying to put me on a hoe meter and a scale one to Okay.

00:38:05.157 --> 00:38:05.679
You know.

00:38:05.679 --> 00:38:15.887
So not necessarily talking about the number of people you've slept with, but how cringe I look back at my dating days and when I was on a date, if I was bored and I wanted to spice it up, I'd be like, hey, so what are your fetishes?

00:38:15.887 --> 00:38:16.588
What are your kinks?

00:38:16.588 --> 00:38:17.208
Like cringe.

00:38:17.208 --> 00:38:28.606
Looking back, I'm like that was not a smart thing to talk about Well, unless you really did want to know't match your kinks.

00:38:28.826 --> 00:38:29.927
it's never going to work.

00:38:29.947 --> 00:38:38.586
If you're into something weird, I have 100% been presented with a BDSM test at a first-ish date several times.

00:38:38.586 --> 00:38:40.170
How did that happen?

00:38:40.170 --> 00:38:42.445
Have you ever heard of those BDSM tests?

00:38:42.445 --> 00:38:44.143
No, no, not the test.

00:38:44.143 --> 00:38:44.670
There's a test.00:38:44.750 --> 00:38:46.795


Oh, I didn't know there was a test Like a written test.00:38:46.795 --> 00:38:48.378


It's a test to gauge your.00:38:48.438 --> 00:38:49.981


Like an online quiz?00:38:49.981 --> 00:38:53.172


Yeah, so wait on the first date.00:38:53.193 --> 00:38:53.815


he presented you with this quiz.00:38:53.815 --> 00:38:58.507


I have had that happen to me on the first date because they were asking me to be his sub, oh my God.00:38:58.507 --> 00:39:04.563


And I was like can we find out how you like your coffee first before you ask me if you can dominate me?00:39:04.563 --> 00:39:06.211


I feel like we need more clarifying questions.00:39:06.211 --> 00:39:08.175


That I feel like we need more clarifying questions.00:39:08.175 --> 00:39:09.557


That is hilarious.00:39:09.617 --> 00:39:09.797


Do you?00:39:09.818 --> 00:39:18.710


remember what some of the questions were yeah, yeah, there's a lot I mean.00:39:18.710 --> 00:39:27.380


So they rate you on dominance and submissive to know what level of each you are, and then if you switch between the two, then there's a lot of questions about animals and other things.00:39:27.440 --> 00:39:35.860


Beastiality- I feel like we should get this test and do it 100% you should, we should totally do this.00:39:35.900 --> 00:39:37.489


Honestly, I want to know 100%.00:39:37.489 --> 00:39:40.271


I know Because it's a great.00:39:40.271 --> 00:39:45.052


I mean, if you know that you're, you know 80%, dom, but so is your partner.00:39:45.052 --> 00:39:46.778


That's going to be a problem in the bedroom.00:39:46.778 --> 00:39:57.514


It's true just now you're going to be fighting over who's in charge, right, um, but if you have one that's 80% dom and another that's 80% sub, now you have like some alignment it's a match.00:39:57.514 --> 00:40:01.500


Are you also a capricorn?00:40:01.500 --> 00:40:02.802


How many boxes are we checking, right?00:40:05.829 --> 00:40:09.277


now so the next one says have you guys heard of the book the game?00:40:09.277 --> 00:40:10.601


That sounds so lame to me.00:40:10.601 --> 00:40:19.489


It's a pickup artistry book and it talks about seduction tactics, including negging, which is insulting a woman subtly to gain her attention, and creating false time constraints.00:40:19.489 --> 00:40:26.092


Like what loses what men actually read that book and use those like be yourself, like gas me up, like don't insult me.00:40:26.152 --> 00:40:32.574


I'm sorry if men are looking for what book to read they should read, she comes first yeah, oh yep, that's one yep.00:40:32.916 --> 00:40:34.018


So then look at your phone.00:40:34.018 --> 00:40:36.483


Duh, that's just manners name drop.00:40:36.483 --> 00:40:37.130


That's annoying.00:40:37.130 --> 00:40:37.893


Have you ever been on a date?00:40:37.914 --> 00:40:45.918


where I talk about who he knows and all the time I'm like now I know everybody you've worked with, for you know the last 10 years.00:40:45.958 --> 00:40:48.474


That's great like it's such a turnoff to me.00:40:48.996 --> 00:41:00.802


Oh, I'm best friends with Frank Stallone, sylvester Stallone's brother, right, okay, his brother, okay, good story, and are you friends with him or did you just run into him at an event one time and get a fan picture with him?00:41:01.050 --> 00:41:07.393


yeah, like yeah, I was at um, a place in Santa Monica, and this guy's like I'm really good friends with Dennis Quaid he's over there, do you want to come say hi?00:41:07.393 --> 00:41:09.358


I'm like oh sure, let's go say hi, so we get over there.00:41:09.358 --> 00:41:10.262


He's like that's him right there.00:41:10.262 --> 00:41:11.635


That's him right there, take a picture.00:41:11.655 --> 00:41:12.559


I'm like do you really?00:41:12.619 --> 00:41:15.451


know Dennis Quaid the answer is no, he does not.00:41:15.672 --> 00:41:16.753


No, absolutely not.00:41:17.275 --> 00:41:24.735


The next one is plan an activity that's short on conversation, which I have a bone to pick with this one, because they say do not go bowling because you can't chat when you go bowling.00:41:24.735 --> 00:41:28.480


I went bowling with my husband on our first date and we had a great time.00:41:28.480 --> 00:41:32.664


I could easily converse with him while he was fondling the balls fondling his balls, actually 100%.00:41:32.724 --> 00:41:39.132


I was on a date with actually a guy that I was dating in the midwest random but we went bowling and it was one of the funnest dates ever.00:41:39.132 --> 00:41:40.034


It's so much fun right.00:41:40.114 --> 00:41:41.659


Like how long does it take to throw the ball?00:41:41.659 --> 00:41:42.670


Like 10 seconds.00:41:42.710 --> 00:41:46.195


We went bowling and went to the legion and we were in Minnesota and it was the best night.00:41:46.235 --> 00:41:49.079


It was so fun, right so I think bowling's a great movie.00:41:49.079 --> 00:41:53.103


I can understand you can't talk and get to know each other watching a movie.00:41:53.224 --> 00:41:54.186


Yeah, and I'm the worst.00:41:54.186 --> 00:41:56.094


Talk about fun facts you asked about earlier.00:41:56.094 --> 00:41:57.498


I'm the worst movie person ever.00:41:57.518 --> 00:42:00.498


I've seen five in my whole life I'm the same way and I fall asleep.00:42:00.679 --> 00:42:01.603


I always fall asleep.00:42:01.704 --> 00:42:03.391


Yeah, I can't stay awake during a movie.00:42:03.391 --> 00:42:04.932


To save my life yeah, to me.00:42:05.114 --> 00:42:09.181


I'd rather talk to you yep, and the last one is get too intense.00:42:09.181 --> 00:42:16.137


So the author says one time, while we were in bed, he told me to speak to him like I was his mommy and tell him that he's been a bad boy.00:42:16.471 --> 00:42:17.782


Again that BDSM test.00:42:17.782 --> 00:42:18.588


Some people like that.00:42:18.588 --> 00:42:19.423


They just weren't compatible.00:42:19.969 --> 00:42:31.659


They just weren't compatible in their dom and sub I had a friend go on a first date and he was doing his business down there and he was doing his business down there and he was like Sarah, tastes yum-yum.00:42:31.679 --> 00:42:32.425


Sarah tastes yum-yum, jason likes Sarah.00:42:32.425 --> 00:42:33.150


No, oh my God, that is not attractive.00:42:33.150 --> 00:42:35.260


No, kid talk.00:42:35.260 --> 00:42:36.550


No, no kid talk, it's creepy.00:42:36.550 --> 00:42:40.822


And also we're not naming the characters on our body anything other than what they are.00:42:41.349 --> 00:42:44.655


Kroll, the Warrior King, no Kroll the Warrior King no.00:42:44.655 --> 00:42:47.342


Not happening.00:42:53.510 --> 00:42:56.199


So now it's time for the celebrity cut where we marinate in the juices of the celebrities.00:42:56.199 --> 00:42:56.780


Oh boy, so have you seen.00:42:56.780 --> 00:42:59.510


Lily allen is getting divorced from her husband, david harbour.00:42:59.510 --> 00:43:05.240


He's the guy in stranger things, the cop is this a show or a movie, it's a show.00:43:05.240 --> 00:43:07.271


So lily ann, she's an english singer.00:43:07.271 --> 00:43:11.461


Okay, she met her husband on raya, the dating app, the celebrity dating app.00:43:11.461 --> 00:43:13.275


Okay, they've been married for five years.00:43:13.275 --> 00:43:18.418


She found that he was back on the app dating and he'd been active for over a month.00:43:18.599 --> 00:43:19.219


That would hurt.00:43:19.219 --> 00:43:20.202


Don't you think that would hurt?00:43:20.202 --> 00:43:20.422


That would.00:43:20.442 --> 00:43:36.181


It's like a dagger to the heart, yeah, and then she came out in together and I was like sorry, darling got a bit of an ed eight got to go to bed again.00:43:36.181 --> 00:43:37.043


That BDSM test is coming in again.00:43:37.063 --> 00:43:39.052


I really feel like this is this could be a prerequisite.00:43:39.052 --> 00:43:40.114


I think, I think so.00:43:40.195 --> 00:43:54.378


I think I'm gonna start using find out who wrote it and then make them your sponsor yes yes, but don't they say that if you don't please your significant other in the bedroom, then they start to look elsewhere, like if you don't agree to do the things they want to do.00:43:54.378 --> 00:43:55.610


Maybe that's why he went on.00:43:55.692 --> 00:43:58.643


Maybe the app to find someone who will engage in his kinks.00:43:58.643 --> 00:44:00.130


I mean, it is important for sure.00:44:00.130 --> 00:44:01.074


I yeah.00:44:01.574 --> 00:44:11.514


I also wonder and maybe this is where I get really realist when it comes to relationships like is it possible that you are only intimate with one person for the rest of your life?00:44:11.514 --> 00:44:16.398


I mean, now we talk about monogamy, non-monogamy, ethical non-commitments.00:44:16.398 --> 00:44:20.831


I mean, there's all different levels and languages that we've created around this For me.00:44:20.831 --> 00:44:24.876


I'm not making a stance on any of them, other than just be honest.00:44:25.157 --> 00:44:34.036


Just be honest, if you're finding that you're attracted to somebody else, let's talk about it and then let's talk about what that looks like.00:44:34.036 --> 00:44:35.019


Maybe that means you should explore that.00:44:35.019 --> 00:44:37.510


Yeah, you know, but you know, just giving that person the freedom of choice to make a decision.00:44:37.711 --> 00:44:49.103


Well and we've talked about this before, like I think that is, the problem with infidelity is that most people aren't, they can't be honest with themselves about what they want, and you know what I mean.00:44:49.123 --> 00:45:11.713


So it's like if you, if you feel like you don't want to be monogamous to one person for your entire life, that should be something that's discussed in the beginning, because then you give the other person the opportunity to say, oh yeah, I'm okay with that, let's continue to move forward in a relationship, or no, I'm not okay with that, we're not going to move forward in a relationship for sure.00:45:11.795 --> 00:45:20.817


I've met so many men over the last couple of years that are in like poly relationships so that they're allowed to date others, and I really respect the honesty that comes out right away.00:45:20.817 --> 00:45:23.570


It's like they're married but they're allowed to be doing this.00:45:23.570 --> 00:45:26.432


Their wives are doing this, you know, or whatever their arrangement is.00:45:26.432 --> 00:45:29.436


It doesn't necessarily work for me, because I want to be a priority.00:45:29.436 --> 00:45:32.139


You know I don't want to be the one that's on the side.00:45:32.139 --> 00:45:35.021


You know I want, I want prime time.00:45:35.282 --> 00:45:35.902


You're right, though.00:45:35.902 --> 00:45:36.882


Honesty is attractive.00:45:36.882 --> 00:45:38.565


People underestimate the power of honesty.00:45:38.605 --> 00:45:57.172


If you're just honest about it, yeah, in fact, one of my, the 30 year olds I dated is the one who really taught me that from a man's perspective, he is so honest, like, and he kind of modeled it with me on all the different ways whether it's about money or your credit score or your dating, you know all of that stuff.00:45:57.172 --> 00:46:00.760


It was like the way that he talked about it was so honest.00:46:00.760 --> 00:46:02.291


It was like refreshing yeah.00:46:02.391 --> 00:46:03.815


Even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear.00:46:03.815 --> 00:46:05.518


It was too much information.00:46:05.518 --> 00:46:07.420


Yeah, Even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear.00:46:07.481 --> 00:46:08.342


At least I knew it was true.00:46:08.603 --> 00:46:10.887


Yeah, yeah, no, I have some friends there.00:46:10.887 --> 00:46:21.121


They're a couple, they're a married couple and they have an open relationship and it's very interesting because she still does very much prioritize her husband, so it's like we'll be out.00:46:21.121 --> 00:46:24.431


She uses her hall passes much more often than he uses his.00:46:24.431 --> 00:46:26.195


Their rule is one hall pass a month.00:46:26.195 --> 00:46:28.679


Okay, he hardly ever uses his.00:46:29.701 --> 00:46:30.643


Do they tell each other?00:46:30.643 --> 00:46:31.485


Do they have to report?00:46:31.750 --> 00:46:35.541


She has to send him a picture of the guy before she can go ahead.00:46:35.541 --> 00:46:37.438


He has to approve the guys.00:46:37.438 --> 00:46:56.110


But it's funny because, like, we'll be out and we'll be out to dinner and she'll be, you know, chatting it up with a guy and they're connecting and they're blah, blah, blah and we have our whole night out and they're together for the night and this and that and this and that, and then she'll, she'll, you know, at the end of end of the night she'll be like, well, I'm going home.00:46:56.110 --> 00:46:58.815


She's like, you know, I need to, I need to stop through the drive-thru and pick up a burger for my husband for when I get home.00:46:58.815 --> 00:47:03.492


So it's like she still prioritizes him and their relationship beautiful.00:47:03.492 --> 00:47:08.184


But they have this open, this I love it open situation and it works like.00:47:08.264 --> 00:47:15.271


It's just like different strokes for different folks exactly like it works for them, and that's part of the bdsm test also, by the way, is your monogamy?00:47:15.512 --> 00:47:17.838


oh really yeah okay, we need to get our hands on one.00:47:17.838 --> 00:47:18.760


Yes, we do.00:47:18.760 --> 00:47:24.297


Now it's time for the juiciest segment of the show the meat grab.00:47:24.297 --> 00:47:35.782


Are you down for the grab, up for the challenge, willing to share, pick one if you dare she just picked.00:47:35.802 --> 00:47:38.568


Them are innocent, some of them are not so innocent.00:47:38.650 --> 00:47:40.094


Oh gosh, okay.00:47:40.094 --> 00:47:43.483


Who is the weirdest person I've had a sex dream about?00:47:43.503 --> 00:48:00.510


oh, I have to think about this too because I'm like I don't even know what I would say um, you can pick another one if you can't answer that or if you've had no weird sex dreams of weird people.00:48:01.373 --> 00:48:04.701


I've had weird sex dreams that included, like a lot of people.00:48:04.701 --> 00:48:07.893


Oh, you have yeah, I don't know what that means.00:48:07.893 --> 00:48:09.355


So somebody don't know.00:48:09.976 --> 00:48:11.878


We need a dream, we need to get a dream interpreter.00:48:12.197 --> 00:48:16.623


Yes, right, although that's not in my BDSM desires that I know of.00:48:16.623 --> 00:48:17.885


Honestly, maybe I just don't know.00:48:17.885 --> 00:48:19.498


Yeah, maybe you don't know.00:48:19.498 --> 00:48:20.250


Maybe I'm needing to be liberated.00:48:20.250 --> 00:48:24.175


Yeah, maybe you need to try it, maybe you need to try it, God that.00:48:25.137 --> 00:48:28.965


so one last question what is your favorite place to go out on a date?00:48:28.965 --> 00:48:31.610


Oh wow, what's your favorite date spot?00:48:31.610 --> 00:48:31.911


Do you have?00:48:31.952 --> 00:48:37.952


a preference, my, I mean my favorite place that I, wrigley Mansion, for sure is my favorite.00:48:37.952 --> 00:48:43.130


Just it's so special for me, um, do you order the spam sandwich they have a spam sandwich.00:48:43.351 --> 00:48:45.380


No, at Wrigley Mansion I actually love spam.00:48:45.500 --> 00:48:46.182


I've never gotten.00:48:46.182 --> 00:48:49.697


Oh wait, a minute, it might be on their lunch menu it might not be on their dinner menu.00:48:49.697 --> 00:48:51.496


I was going to say I have not.00:48:51.556 --> 00:48:59.201


Yeah, that's my favorite spot because I just think it's just so beautiful, but otherwise downtown has the most amazing restaurants.00:48:59.201 --> 00:49:03.362


Latha, a Pan-African restaurant in Heritage Square, is one of my favorites.00:49:14.429 --> 00:49:18.159


I love to go anywhere that like is a different, different, like different kind of food that I maybe I can't make myself, you know, like a unique restaurant.00:49:18.159 --> 00:49:20.605


My favorite kind of date is like whimsical we just like take off and go somewhere, cool, yeah.00:49:20.625 --> 00:49:21.547


Do you have a favorite date spot?00:49:21.547 --> 00:49:21.788


No, I'm, I'm.00:49:21.788 --> 00:49:23.030


I'm more of an experience.00:49:23.030 --> 00:49:25.594


I'm in your shoes, kind of.00:49:25.594 --> 00:49:31.523


It's like I like it to be unique and I like it to be not your run of the mill.00:49:31.844 --> 00:49:34.175


Yeah, I really liked to have been to Toka Madeira.00:49:34.536 --> 00:49:42.597


Yeah, cause I like it, cause they have the women that blow the fire, eat the fire, or they have a violin player or a saxophone player.00:49:42.597 --> 00:49:43.501


They have something different.00:49:43.610 --> 00:49:45.311


It's like entertainment too, For sure.00:49:45.311 --> 00:49:47.514


And their passion fruit, spicy margaritas.00:49:47.514 --> 00:49:48.434


Ooh, la, la, la la.00:49:48.474 --> 00:49:48.994


Have you tried them?00:49:48.994 --> 00:49:49.655


They're so good.00:49:49.655 --> 00:49:50.556


That's true.00:49:50.556 --> 00:49:51.556


That's true.00:49:51.556 --> 00:49:55.340


I do love Toca, it's kind of a, you know a fan favorite.00:49:55.842 --> 00:49:57.023


But anytime there's live music.00:49:57.023 --> 00:50:01.706


Yeah, you know, there's nothing better than a good company and live music.00:50:04.989 --> 00:50:09.713


I even love, I love Fea the rooftop, you know At, you know again, just being outside and like under the stars and the sunset by the mountain.00:50:09.713 --> 00:50:15.315


And there's definitely a theme with me, I think, with like sunsets and sunrise and sunset, yeah, and outside yeah.00:50:15.356 --> 00:50:15.775


I like it.00:50:15.775 --> 00:50:16.715


I like a good patio.00:50:16.715 --> 00:50:19.378


I will say this Lighting is important to me.00:50:19.378 --> 00:50:24.820


I do not like to go on a date and you get into the restaurant and it's like studio.00:50:24.860 --> 00:50:25.661


No studio lighting.00:50:25.820 --> 00:50:28.583


I hate that I want it to be dark and dim and cozy.00:50:28.603 --> 00:50:32.385


Where it's like a cafeteria, lighting why do they do that or you get opposite.00:50:32.385 --> 00:50:34.226


I've been on a date to Killer Whale Sex Club.00:50:34.226 --> 00:50:35.726


Have you been there I?00:50:35.746 --> 00:50:37.367


haven't been there, I've heard of it.00:50:37.367 --> 00:50:37.927


It's a bar.00:50:37.927 --> 00:50:39.248


It's called Killer Whale Sex.00:50:39.288 --> 00:50:39.547


Club.00:50:39.588 --> 00:50:41.608


It's not actually a sex club, oh, okay.00:50:43.952 --> 00:50:46.396


I mean how many people show up with their whips and chains?00:50:46.416 --> 00:50:47.579


I guess that's questionable.00:50:47.579 --> 00:50:50.684


It's not marketed as an actual sex club.00:50:51.344 --> 00:50:55.139


No, the music is loud and amazing, but it's really really dark.00:50:55.358 --> 00:50:56.141


No, I'll have to check it out.00:50:56.141 --> 00:50:57.760


I don't mind loud music.00:50:57.902 --> 00:50:58.304


Where is it?00:50:58.324 --> 00:50:59.090


What's the street down there?00:50:59.090 --> 00:51:00.090


Oh, I don't remember.00:51:00.090 --> 00:51:01.032


It's downtown-ish.00:51:01.032 --> 00:51:02.413


I'll have to check it out.00:51:02.492 --> 00:51:05.737


Yeah Well, was there anything that anyone wants to add?00:51:05.737 --> 00:51:07.077


Any other questions?00:51:07.077 --> 00:51:10.422


Comments concerns Nothing burning on my mind.00:51:10.442 --> 00:51:12.224


No, not mine either.00:51:12.244 --> 00:51:16.594


Well, thank you so much for joining us this week at the Meat Market and thank you to Melissa.00:51:16.594 --> 00:51:22.416


If you want to meet Melissa, like, follow and subscribe on our social media platforms at Meat Market Podcast.00:51:22.416 --> 00:51:27.072


And thank you so much to our sponsor, Tactical Tax Strategies, this tax season.00:51:27.072 --> 00:51:33.757


If you want to preserve your wealth and keep more in your wallet, you need to contact Tactical Tax Strategies.00:51:33.757 --> 00:51:34.521


Thanks again.00:51:34.521 --> 00:51:36.717


See you next week at the meat market.00:51:36.717 --> 00:51:41.760


Oh my God, I just totally got catfished.00:51:41.760 --> 00:51:43.777


He looks absolutely nothing like his picture.00:51:44.269 --> 00:51:48.882


So I found out, the guy that I've been dating is married with kids.00:51:48.882 --> 00:51:51.052


His wife just reached out to me.